Some days are easier than others. Sometimes you wake up for the day and an amazing good mood and nothing can draw you from that. Other days are like a nightmare from the first moment you wake. Of course there are the mixed up days that can be good and bad combinations. Today was one of those for me and its only 4:30 in the afternoon.
I know that I would really like to just moan and groan in this post and complain about the day I have had but I won’t. However I will tell you its been rough,
As I was driving to the store with my 15 year old son complaining about the world, and mostly complaining about my oldest daughter who is the light of my life and the extra prickly thrones to my roses. She is my combo life we go from very happy to very much want to punch each other out. She is 22 years old and knows very well how to push my buttons and knows exactly how to get me to cave to her every whim. This is not good for either of us.
While I was talking with my son, we got were we where going. The reason he rode with me this time was so he could wait in the car so I did not have to turn it off. My battery in my car died and when I got it jumped the guy told me that my battery should be fine just needs to recharge so leave the car running for 40-70 minutes either driving or running and it should be fine. I really did not like this idea but figured he knew more than me. So when I left him I am sure he was glad I went into the store. He does not like stress. Anything that stresses him out makes him very stressed so I usually don’t use him to let out my emotions. Today, sadly I was not able to control it. So while I was in the store I started thinking about my day and a tear rolled out of my eyes. Then it dawned on me. This is all a matter of perspective. I could look at it as a very annoying day. I could look at it as my daughter always taking advantage and causing me more hassle than needed. I could look at it as a pity party wow what else could go wrong or I could look at it as well hey if I did not have three kids I would not have grief of three kids. I believe their good is better than their bad. I could look at it as well my car broke down but it only broke down because I do own a car. I could be really upset that my knee is killing me and I did not have a cane or I could be thankful that my surgery is over and the pain I am feeling is part of the healing process and had I not done that I would have never been able to forget my cane.
So the funniest thing is that I went out to apply for a job, that will require me to stand,(with bad knees) will pay me minimum wage and I will probably struggle to work that job, so why do I apply well because I am determined to get better, determined to figure out a way to pay my own way, and determined to not let all the things that I swear stress me out not stress me out.
I recently went through a lot of life changing events. I am sure I will share bits and pieces along the way. Life is a roller coaster sometimes you are at the top of the hill coming down sometimes you are heading up and for a very short time once in a while you actually sit at the top and then again you also sit at the bottom. I may have been at my going down and bottom the last few years but a lot of positive self worth has come from it. I did not fall off the wagon and start drinking, I did not allow myself to get hooked on pain pills even though I do need them and my doctors agree I do need them. They give me 90 for 30 days I have 60 for 120 days. I take them sparingly knowing I am a mother, a single(widowed) mother and I need to show my children that no matter what, no matter how hard it seems, even when everything is against you, some how some way you need to find you way through it. Even if some days you yell and scream, and some days are rough you find a way to get through and hope that the next day is better or at least more tolerable.
It would be nice if I were able to find a way to put aside the bad days for a while and head into better days. It seems that is a dream and not reality but if you know me, you will know that aside from me moaning and groaning sometimes I really do try to think about perspective and remind myself that hey I struggle paying my bills( I have bills which means I have things so my kids are not with out) I struggle walking(I am still walking and not in a wheelchair) I have bad days (I am still alive)
So with that said I will say it one more time Perspective means everything.
Today I will look past the bad part of the day and look forward to a better evening and if for some reason life does not want me to have a better evening then hey there is always tomorrow.