5 seasons in 1 week, umm thats a lot of tv….

A few years ago my oldest daughter really wanted me to watch Weeds, with her. I really wanted to watch, after the first episode I was easily hooked. I did not get to see more than one season at that time. Finally I got time to watch it but had family staying with me and it was too much activity to really pay attention, I missed a lot. So now I am re-watching and finally getting to see just how crazy Nancy is and just watch she really was doing when I was only halfway watching.

I know a lot of people are not interested in watching drug shows, but then again it’s in every show, What show does not have episodes of people smoking weed. It has been around for ever and  I doubt it is going anywhere, if anything it is more and more socially acceptable and not as big a deal as it once was.

So the story is a cable series so it is not really for kids but I will admit all three of my kids have watched the series. My youngest is just now getting through it she saw the first 4 seasons on her own time so I figured if she already watched what is the difference to watch with her. So now as we are on season 5 a lot has happened but of course there is still lots to go.

Show starts like any other, introduction of main characters. The Mother, Nancy, the teen son Silas, the younger boy who is about 10 is named Shane. Then there is the housekeeper, Lupita, and you start meeting the rest of the cast, Doug- her accountant and best customer, Dean another customer and friends husband, and sons girlfriends father. So you start seeing how they all interact and how her role as their dealer comes about. She shows up during the poker game, golf course and so on. She seems to be semi-wholesome in the beginning. Well , that does not last. She is a hot mess but somehow you will root for her to get away with it all, to live her life to find happiness.

You find out her Husband died in the very first episode. So she had this housewife lifestyle with him and she did not know how to keep that going. Once she figured it out, well she figured it out. The kids grow up as the story unfolds and they each have their own dealings with the mother and their Family Business…

I really enjoy it. The way I see it is if you love Gangster movies, shoot em up movies, family stories, drama and a little love and crazy scenarios I think you could really enjoy the show. It’s been out a long time so you can catch the whole series on Netflix and no commercials! Yay

Well it’s about time, Lisa….

About 1-1/2 years ago I wrote an article about Steroid Psychosis. This is probably the most personal experience I have ever shared here. Here is a link to it if you would like to read: Time has pas…

Source: Well it’s about time, Lisa….

Berry Smoothies

Lately I have been on smoothie kick. My kids and I are trying to change our eating habits. We have gone from much fried food and sweet snacks, baked goods and little debbies, and of course don’t forget the salty chips and stuff, to mostly baked, grilled or in the crock pot meals.

We have reduced sweets to holidays and special occasions, birthdays and such. Just last night I baked a Chocolate cake for my niece for her 8th birthday. Her Dad did not relay to her Mom that I was baking the cake and well then there were too. Not my plan but well hopefully it goes away today as I am having some company this afternoon. An old friend is coming by for a visit. Surely I will be able to pawn at least one piece of cake off on him.

For a while we were using my sisters single cup blender. She loaned it to me as I told her we need to try to find more healthy choices and smoothies are awesome. Well just a few weeks ago I caught an awesome sale. I got a $24.99 blender on sale to 19.95 and then a final reduce to 16.95 plus my 20% off for having the Target Cartwheel app. That was awesome and truthfully I went to the store just for that reason. I had no clue it reduced again down to 16.95 but I was super happy with my choice.

I bought a big bag of frozen mixed berries. I choose the organic, not sure if there was a reason I did that or not, I think it was just the same price same amount so why not. I bought a large container of lowfat vanilla yogurt. I buy Dannon as I like that one the best. Now I take the correct amount of berries out for the three of us, and a few spoons of the yogurt and blend away. Sometimes I add a little juice or more ice if I think the kids will want bigger drinks. But as long as I buy the ones with the berries so far they never go to waste. I really wanted to get the strawberry banana mix but they only had ones with papaya and I know my son does not like papaya so I skipped it. When I go shopping again I hope to be able to buy fresh fruit instead of the frozen and then just add ice. I hope it would come out the same or better? Time will tell

My daughter tells me I should be adding protein and seeds and things I tell her I get enough of that through my diet, but she swears if I do that I won’t want to eat anything else? Not sure about that either.

Well it’s about time, Lisa….

About 1-1/2 years ago I wrote an article about Steroid Psychosis. This is probably the most personal experience I have ever shared here.

Here is a link to it if you would like to read:


Time has past since I wrote this article. Just now I am finally making my doctor appointments and looking into helping myself. I have been seeing my Ortho for a long time because of my knees. I have been seeing primary because my Blood Pressure and I have now started seeing Rheumatology  due to the my joint pain and my primary saw something in my blood work that thought needed more attention.

What I did not deal with was my mental. My emotional status. My ability to look at the past of my life and love what was great and let go of what was not. I have made great strides in some areas and horrible in others. I have not been able to force myself to diet, to stay on an exercise routine. Some days I do great and I make efforts and others I can barely just take care of my kids and that is the best I can do.

I listen to other people, they tell me their problems. I hear them, I feel for them and I look at how much is stuff they could have controlled had they really been paying attention. I know for myself, I have let certain things happen. I could have stopped them but it would have changed everything and I was too afraid of the change, did not want to be the butt of more bad decisions, therefore hearing how all my decisions are bad somehow or another really screws with my self esteem.

When I read about that last year of my husbands life, and I read how I was feeling when I wrote that article it makes me feel those emotions all over again.I woke up yesterday, totally disturbed. My mind would not turn off. I was distraught at something that was said about me a long time ago and I thought I put it to smash, yet clearly it is still an open topic of discussion by people who have done nothing but lie and been lied to. Not by me I just went along with it. My husband said it is none of their business(meaning anyone) and he would not tell the truth about things that honestly there was no reason to lie about. Simple things like his brother inviting him over and him saying oh I can’t go because we have to do this or that, when in all reality we just had no gas in the car. He would tell his family that he had money from this or that, rather than no my wife pawned her ring so we could pay the light and buy this birthday present for you. Or even better They gave it to me. Who was they ?(no-one) why would they just give it to you. But funny they never questioned this. He said it, surely it must be true, although they are always the type that even if they do something nice to you they would say don’t tell anyone, I did this.

See if you are always lying, chances are you will believe others are lying too.

I have nothing to lie about. I tell the truth in my writing. I share information that is not anyone’s business yet I feel like sharing it and I do. I don’t deny that my father taught me the value of money, he taught me to invest and all kind of smart things. I heard him but clearly I was not listening. I have managed to be in my 40’s. Not a dime in the bank or anywhere else. No 401K no savings, no retirement plan, and to top it off just about no income. I was taught better, I just did not learn. When my daughter(my youngest) came into this world as sick as she did , I had no idea what the future would hold, and quite honestly income, and savings and money was rarely a thought, only to get through the month with bills and keep the kids happy- or happyish. We did our best. I worked full time he stayed with the kids. With the little one having a million appointments and all it truly worked out of the best. When I lost my full time job everything went hectic for a bit but we figured it out. I got a part time job, he found some apartments to manage part time and we made do. When he passed, all those appointments became mine. My daughter got listed on the transplant list and well if you read some of my other posts you can pretty much see where we are at now.

Finally I have made an appointment with a psychiatrist.

This appointment is way past due as I should not still be so upset about the comments being made. I should still not wake up and see my husband trying to choke me. I should not sleep three hours a night and then struggle for the next 6 with my brain and any combination of emotions until I finally knock back out due to exhaustion, unless we have an appointment and there I will be up again for the day only making the sleepless pattern continue.

I am going to find a way to live with all this pent up emotion. Figure out is it anger, is it depression and anxiety, is it fear that I loved someone so much that seeing him go crazy made me go crazy?I don’t have a clue, could it be everything I see with my daughter. Could it simply be lack of support or what I don’t know but in about 6 more weeks I will be able to start working on that. Good thing I am not suicidal as long as the appointments take to get but what can you do at least with my lack of income , I am getting medical help.

Don’t wait this long , it is to overwhelming.


First step….

It was a simple gesture, saying welcome back on the board in Angel’s room. To a casual observer it may not even be noticed. To me, as the aunt of one of the most amazing people I know, that gesture was symbolic of the many years of love, heartache, triumph and hope that we have […]

via In Order to Get Anywhere, We Must Take the First Step — Marie Cheine

So who watched Glee?

When my daughter said to me Mom, let’s watch Glee I was kind of like eww, why. Then she said come on Mom you love musicals and whenever shows have singing episodes you love them. So I agreed that she may have a point. I or I should say we were in the mid to end of Season 2 of Charmed, which I am loving by the way. We can talk about charmed another time, see I have seen many episodes way past where I actually am but I am trying to watch straight through.

Glee surprised me. I was a little shocked at the immaturity of the teachers , come to find out that is some pretty funny stuff shoved in the middle of all that high school drama. The singing is mostly enjoyable they have some talents and they touch upon all kind of things that could and do come up in high school.

Coach Sue, she is a hot mess the things that come flying out of her mouth never surprise me anymore, as anything goes with her. Her relationship with Becky(whom has Down’s Syndrome) is sweet and funny , you can tell always under her meanness she cares. She has turned Becky into a mini her and Becky pulls of the feistiness in an adorable way.

The Glee teacher, Will Schuester starts of the show in a loveless marriage and is in love with the guidance counselor. He fights for the kids and over all he proves to be a pretty decent guy, although a bit immature would be part of his description.

Over time you do find yourself routing for certain characters, watching the kids come out of their shells and become people who actually stand for sometime. They believe in themselves and that allows them to shine.

Some of the singing is outstanding and others is just like where is the GONG! Sometimes I would find myself singing right along and sometimes I am like I think we need to fast forward a few minutes before I throw some tomatoes at my TV, and well that is just messy and gross so thank goodness for fast forward.

When one of the main characters died in real life they had to add it to the show. They did a fabulous job adding it and not ever saying what really happened. Although you wondered a bit they have his brother say something along the lines of What difference does it make how he died that was only a moment in his life, isn’t it more important how he lived. At first I was like really they are not going to make up some story, but in the end I guess I feel like that was a pretty good way to handle it.

I like how they brought broadway, rock,disco and pop together in ways that I would probably never think of. Over all if you have kids in the high school or younger age and they like music they will probably enjoy this show. Like I said earlier if you can get past the immaturity of the whole show you can get down to the humor in it and it is worth the watch.


Transplant Families

My daughter is 12 years old. She started on Dialysis when she was 4 years old. A tiny little thing full of life and not much of a clue as the the troubles she has already seen.

Funny as during the first few weeks of dialysis, I remember asking Dr. C is there like a support group or something for families, how do they learn to adjust and  keep positive, and he said you are the support group, look around the rooms there are other Moms, Dads sisters and brothers and sometimes other loved ones whom sit with their Dialysis patient, who rub their feet when they cramp, who adjust the tv, and step away when the teacher comes.

At first I did not understand why there is not an actual group or something. Although looking back I totally get it now. You learn to become Kidney Families. We have watched so many kids get Kidney’s over the years. We have seen them come from Mom, come from Dad and come from Cadavers. We have seen the ups and the downs and we have experienced the losses together. We have lost patients and we have lost kidney’s.

I can easily say we know. It has been a very long time that we have been part of this group. My daughter had a transplant 1-1/2 years into dialysis. That kidney transplant failed and she was in very critical condition for 8 long weeks. At that time we were quite thankful for dialysis that clearly saved her life and continued to do so until last year when she received her 2nd transplant. This one works, She does have a healthy kidney, unfortunately she does not have a healthy bladder and she has very low immune system so there are viruses that have been trying to attack the kidney. We have had a lot of ups and downs with this kidney but overall so far so good as they say.

Right now our Kidney families are all going through something. Today is a 1 year anniversary of a little guy who is 3 now, his Mom gave her spare to him. It was a great transplant, a few bumps along the way this year but overall he is growing, and he looks to be the picture of health. Of course us families know looks can be very deceiving and each and every good day is truly a miracle.

Right now one of our Kidney families is sitting in the hospital fighting rejection. It is just a little less than a year for her kidney. We met her when she was 10 months old she will be 8 this spring. She is the most precious little one. She has been cracking me up since the moment she started talking and yesterday my heart was truly hurting for her and her family. We are keeping our hopes up that this will reverse as one of the first things they teach you is there can be bouts of rejections and there are treatments.

Of course that does not change how scary it is. How scary for the parents, how scary for the child, and how scary for everyone who knows and loves them. No one wants to see the downside of Kidney disease. When someone has Cancer, everyone automatically feels sorry for them, an instinctive compassion. When someone has kidney disease, people are like well you can get a transplant, you can have dialysis. Although that is true, more people die of kidney disease each year than most cancers. There are facts you can look up but I have seen it and experienced it myself.

When people find out my husband died of Brain Cancer, they automatically have this look on their face. When he was sick people were so kind and compassionate although most had no clue what he was really facing. My daughter alike all other Kidney patients has a huge battle ahead of her. She has a lifetime of medical intervention to be ok. So do most Kidney patients.

A few years ago we had a neighbor who was on Dialysis, he had been on for well of 20 years he was an older gentleman and was able to do dialysis at home. Two doors down from him was an older lady who also did dialysis, so my daughter grew up knowing the kids who went through it and the adults also. She would feel bad for the old lady as she was a druggie and her dialysis was the least of her problems. She would knock on our door looking for pills and drugs and cigarettes and we would have to walk her back to her house and tell her we can’t help her. And if you think she was a little nutty she lived with her Mom who is the one who started asking for the cigs, she would beat on our door with her cane. Come to find out my husband would feel bad for them and when he was at the store he would buy them cigarettes so they would come to him when they needed more. I did not find that out until he was very sick himself and he started confessing things he felt I should know, but that is for another story and well there is lots of those, I feel like sharing but then I am not sure I am ready. He was a huge support system in our Kidney Family, not just for us but for the nurses and the hospital, they always had little projects for him to do and the kids and parents loved him. When he passed they were as sad as I.

Once you have experienced a few dialysis treatments with someone you start to learn the process. You see how different people get hooked up differently, how their machines are set for different outcomes and you see when they did not follow their diets or fluid restrictions. Monday mornings were always rough, by Sunday night my daughter was a swollen mess by my standards but some kids would over due it even more. Especially the teenagers as they have a bit of rebellion, more than average they can’t just be teenagers they have to be sick teenagers, it’s really different and being part of that family you learn to adjust. My older kids would go when they did not have school as dialysis is never a day off, you can’t not have a treatment because it is a holiday as that is very bad. My older daughter became friends with the teens that were there when she was that age, they would play cards together and play on their ipods and such, talk about music and books and keep busy. My son always played with the babies as they adored him and he could entertain them with funny faces while their parents ran for a coffee, or talked with the docs or nurses. Once you are part of that unit you are always a part of it. Patients from 10 years before would stop by to give a nurse a hug or show them their new baby or something like that. Your dialysis nurses are like second parents, they will nurture you, care for you, discipline you and love you it is kind of amazing and honestly post transplant patients miss that closeness, they miss that 3 times a week togetherness and knowing they are caring for your kids, they find things sometimes long before parents do as they are trained and experienced in this disease and its many different faces.

And then there are the families who must experience lifetime dialysis, their patient can’t get a transplant, there can be a number for reasons why, autoimmune diseases make it very difficult as your body is already fighting with itself. Sometimes infections and certain antibodies cause no transplant, and immigration status can also cause you not be qualify for a transplant. It is all very complicated and some of it is just downright sad.

I do know one thing for sure, my daughter has had a long battle these 12 years and has a long battle ahead but knowing she has an amazing family, and an amazing kidney family helps more than you can imagine, Just a few months ago there was about 6 kidney kids all admitted at the same time. We called it the big sleep over, none of them were there with anything contagious it was all kidney related stuff so they had tea parties in the parent lounge and fun time in the playroom and it was great for the parents, if you needed to run home to shower, grab cloths or check on your other family members you knew your kid had another person that they could feel comfortable with.

I will say although my emotions are all over the place today. I am so thankful for my kidney families they have made me who I am today. I am stronger, more informed and more loved because I have them in my life. And to all those we lost touch with post transplant, I think of you all often and always have the best wishes in my heart.