The real story of Rat Tail and Scar…..

Chapter 1

How in the world did I get here? Did I go to a party? I really can’t remember. I recall I was eating a really good dinner and had lots of water and now all I see around me is emptiness. Have I crossed over? It can’t be, I can see things moving, I can smell the air. I saw a rat or maybe it was a cat I couldn’t tell it was too far.

I looked down and I realized I was tied to a pole with a very large chain and I could barely move. I looked down at my body and all I saw was fleas jumping off my very very wrinkled skin. When did I become a Sharpei? I am a Pitbull! What maybe I did cross over. This is very confusing! I started focusing really hard and saw the steady drip of water that came from somewhere I don’t know but I think I am in a really large empty room. Light trickles in and from time to time I see some humans that kind of look like me. Lost and afraid and really hungry. There was this one human who gave me some of his food, It kind of tasted like what I imagine Cat food to taste like, but he was kind and shared. He never came back. I guess sharing wasn’t his thing.

Time was passing and I did not remember why I was there, but I must have done something really bad to be tied to this pole for so long. I don’t remember the last time I ate or walked around and I have been sleeping right next to my pee, this was really yucky and I wished I could get off this chain. I pulled and pulled and all it did was hurt my neck and make me sleepy. I guess I sleep all the time as I don’t have a schedule, no one comes to play with me or feed me or take me for walks. I think my human must have crossed over as I can’t smell him anywhere. Of course I cant go anywhere to try to smell him.

One day I hear a lot of noise and the next thing I know, these big car like things start bringing in a lot of junk into my room, boxes and lamps and all kinds of stuff. I tried to call out but no one heard me. Time started passing and I was still all alone. Each day more and more stuff would come in but no one saw me.

One morning or I think it was morning, a lot of light came in my room. Doors were open. I did not even know my room had doors. I heard voices. I started to think maybe now I have crossed over. Light and voices but no one ever sees me.

Then it happened two very beautiful voices came over to me and said “hey Buddy are you all right?” I stood up with all my might and I cried out No, Help me! I am supposed to be a Pit and look at me, I am a damn Sharpei. I have more wrinkles than I can count.

I am hungry and my human never came for me. I have been tied here for a very long time and I am hungry and I don’t feel good. The two nice voices went and got me a blanket and food and water. One stayed with me while the other one went somewhere. I found out later that she went to get big tool thing to cut me off that rope. Wow! it feels good to be off that thing. I can move and I forgot how much I like humans. Some of them are so nice.

The next thing I knew I was in a car. I love the car it is so much fun. They took me to the doctors, as a matter of fact they took me to a lot of doctors and they introduced me to a whole big family. The doctors kept saying this guy is not well, but I knew I just needed some food, and a few baths and to get rid of these fleas. Some of the fleas were always teasing me telling me that they are the boss of me, but my new friends gave me a yucky tasting pill and the next thing I knew all of the fleas were gone. Even the mean ones that not only bit me, but teased me too.

I am kind of confused as to why everyone has the same two names, they are either Mommy or Daddy and sometimes there are a bunch of Mommy and Daddies, but I don’t care because they now call me Mikey. I like that name. It makes feel like I have a family again. I started going to the doctor a lot.

I got this awesome tent to live in while I was healing up. I thought my new friends were going to be my family but they were just letting me stay with them while I healed.

One day my friend said to me, time to go to your new home. I was so excited, I peed on the neighbor dog(he was not that nice and since we were not going to be neighbors anymore, I knew it was going to be okay)

I went on an awesome car ride, and I brought my new tent and blankets and bowls and toys and I knew that my life was going to be better and better. At first it took some used to getting my new Mommy and Daddy to understand when I wanted to eat and go out. I would hear my Dad say I don’t understand Dog, what are you trying to tell me Mikey. Do you want to go out? Do you want to eat. It took a little time to figure out who was going to do what, but after some time we all figured it out.

When I need to do my business, I just stare at them and put one ear up. That means now and if they don’t listen I do my funny bark, it sounds like a-wow wow rue! That means I can’t really wait anymore so now is a really good time to go for a walk.

When I am hungry I give them a different stare and then I just keep staring until they ask me if I am hungry then I wag my tail and they know.

A few weeks passed and I saw my friend who found me in that horrible room, and I saw all those nice people who visited me in the doctors office. I figured out they were family of my new parents. They are all really nice to me and I hear them talking about how much better I look. The only thing is sometimes they call me Rat Tail, I think that might be mean but when they say it they always pet me and say it will grow back boy, so maybe it is just an observation.

My new Mommy is easy to boss around. If she does not pay attention to me, I sit by her bed and rattle my tags, if that does not work I tap my paw nails on her floor. I think I could probably have been a famous tap dancer, had I not been locked away in that place.

Laa Daa tap tap tap,, La La Daa tap tap tap…….

Chapter 2

One day I was playing with my brothers and sisters. I was really young. I heard my humans saying that I was the runt. I didn’t know what that meant. I though I was King of the yard. I knew how to go outside to do my business and I slurped the loudest when I was drinking. Late one evening my human said come on little guy we are going for a ride. I was really excited as I did not know what a ride was, but I was the only one going with him so for sure, I knew that runt must mean I am the favorite.

We went to a store, it was really awesome. The store had dog food and cat food and fish and lizards and crickets and toys it was like a giant party. I heard my human talking to other humans but I was very busy meeting this cute little boy and girl and their human. They liked me a lot and they asked their human if they could have me. Have me does that mean I can’t go back to my brothers and sisters? Does that mean my human is just giving me away? Am I for sale? What in the world, that must mean I am a runt and they don’t keep runts?

So very confused. I was so excited I peed right there on the floor. The nice human said oh look he is so happy he is peeing. I think he would fit right in with our family. The little humans said but Dad, Mom is not going to want a puppy she said we were to go in the store get crickets and crickets only. The Dad human said oh she is a softy let’s go outside and show her this puppy and when she falls in love we will tell her he is hers.

They brought me to the car. They had a little car and it had a lot of humans in it now, The Dad human and the Mom human and there were 3 little humans. The Mom human said Oh my this is the cutest puppy I ever saw. Wow she liked me a lot she held me and pet my head and the next thing I knew they started calling me Larry.

They brought me home and I found out that I was going to have a brother, his name was Romeo and he was a lot older than me. He did not love playing and he really loved my new Dad human. They had a lizard named Gilbert and a whole bunch of birds. I thought I was on a farm or something but really it was just a regular house like the one with my real brothers and sisters.

As time past I really liked these humans. They became my family very quickly. The boy human was my best buddy. When the morning would come I would jump over the sofa and land on him to wake him up to go on the big car that took him away every morning and brought him back every afternoon. I hated when he left but it gave me time to get to know my other humans. The little one liked to sneak me out of my little house and play with me. The Dad human slept all the time. The Mom human was always busy she came and went a lot with the Dad human and the little girl human. The older girl human liked me a lot she would sit in the yard with me and my dog brother and we could run around and she would laugh all the time. This made me really happy. I had a big family and they were really nice. They taught me some neat things but they would still get mad sometimes.

I got in trouble one day for eating what they called the wall? I don’t know what that means but it tasted good and there was lots more of it so I don’t know why they were so mad. The boy human got mad at me when I ate his long worms, he said he needed them for school? What is that and why does he need worms for school. I guess they were food for his square thing he carries around.

Time started passing and I was getting bigger and bigger. I no longer had to live in my little house and I was allowed to sleep on the bed with my boy human. It was awesome, he would rub me and pet me and play with me all the time.

One day my Mom human went out with my Dad human and he never came back. I think he must have fallen asleep somewhere? I missed him a lot he was funny, but he did sleep all the time so probably one day he will wake up and come home? I think at least.

One day it was really weird Mom was crying all day long and then my brother Romeo went out and he too never came back. It was so sad, my Mom human told me that he passed over the Rainbow Bridge. I too was sad as all dogs learn about the Rainbow bridge when they are born.

Now our family was smaller. It was kind of weird now but they still took good care of me, they played all the time and fed me and walked with me to the park. I even got to go in the swing until I got too big and did not fit anymore.

One day our family moved to a new house and you would not believe but the big girl human left home. But it was really neat, she would come back with her new friend a boy human and they would sneak me human food. They would visit and bring me toys. It was really nice.

As time passed I got bigger and bigger and sometimes my Mom human and the little girl human would not be home all the time. I spent a lot of time with my boy human and he makes sure I go outside to do my business and he knows when I am hungry all the time.

My family has lots of funny names they call me but my real name is Larry. I answer to that but I also answer to hey you, yo dog and anything as long as it is my humans calling me. I know they love me so much. I am so glad I was the runt and I got to get my own human family…

Chapter 3

I went to lots of doctors and they all said the same thing. In time his hair will grow back, in time with the proper diet he will gain weight back and in time we will get these ear infections under control.

Truth is my Dad and Mom human feed me this awful food and then they try to tell me it is good. I don’t see them eating it and it does not taste good. I decide I will not eat until they find me something that at least tastes a little good. One day my Dad human comes home with a bag of something. It was canned food and he mixed it in with my dry food. Oh boy o boy that tastes good. Now I am back to eating. The doctor said my ears are getting better but my fur is taking it’s sweet time coming back in.

When My Mom and Dad human take me walks I hear the other dogs cracking jokes about me, they call me baldy back, lumpy and Rat Tail. There goes that Rat Tail again. The humans say it and the dogs. It must be true I must be the famous Rat Tail. They are not making in fun of me. They know I am a very famous dog. Rat Tail. I am the boss of this dangerous gated community in Florida. All dogs and people know to stay there distance as I run these streets. When big Mikey comes through All hail Mikey, either pet me give me a kiss or walk on the other side of the street.

Now that I finally knew the truth, I am Boss dog, Big Mike aka Rat Tail. I can demand things. When I give my humans the look they better react. I give them that eye and raised ear and they run for that leash and take me for a walk. When I give them the eye, my water bowl fills up and my food appears instantly. When I want a belly rub I just roll over and wiggle and belly rubs come out of no where.

I like being Boss. Sometimes I give those humans a wink and they take me to none other but the famous dog park. When I get there all the dogs greet me at the gate. They all say ohhh Rat tail is here. Give him space, let him in and let him take whatever tennis balls he can find. They usually chatter say good bye to you balls, Rat Tail is here.

I really like the park nice humans usually talk to my humans and ask what is wrong with me and they say nothing. They say they rescued me and that I am an old boy, I am pretty sure that means I am a very cool and famous dog, as they are all very nice to me.

For a long time I only went to the park with my Humans but one day my humans family came with their dog. I did not know they had a dog, why are they at our park and who is this wiggly guy. He is like bigger than me and very busy, Eww I hope they don’t really come in the fence, where I am ,hopefully they just needed to tell my humans something and they will leave as fast as they came…….

Chapter 4

One day my Mom human and my boy and girl human said come on Lar, let’s go meet Grandpa and Mikey at the dog park. I said what a park for dogs….Yes yes yes, I got so happy I peed right there in the doorway. Mom said I really need to control that peeing but I did not care because I heard Grandpa. Grandpa is my friend when he comes to visit he plays with me and rubs my ears in a very special way. Only a real Grandpa could rub them.

While we were driving in the car, I said hi to every car that went by. I was trying to tell them I am going to the park but most of them just looked at me and kept driving. I guess they were mad they were not going to the park.

We finally made it to the park. My boy human said I should walk around outside for a while so I would not be so excited when I get inside. I did not care what he had to say I was really excited and I got to the first gate, I went inside and I was greeting my Moms sister and this dog , He was fierce, he had a Rat Tail and I think he wanted to eat me. I growled and tried to act tough, but he growled louder and he bit me a little. I learned later that he was the famous Rat Tail and I should respect him. I also learned , you will never believe this he was my Grandpa’s dog. My Grandpa human had his own dog and his own dog is famous.

I went inside the park and found out it was a lot of fun. I get to run with out my leash. I can drink from a bucket and there are lots of other dogs and humans. There was this one dog there I think he liked me a little too much. He made me feel weird so I went closer to my humans for protection. I tried really hard to make Rat Tail be my friend, but he was very busy taking a tennis ball apart. He took that ball out with such force I knew I better be nice to him.

It was a nice day except the part when we first got to the park, and I had to growl, that made me feel mean and I am a lover not a fighter. We went home and the whole ride I kept hearing my humans talking about how they hope me and Mikey will get along. They hope we like living together and they hope I don’t get beat up too much.

Now I am really confused, I thought that was just someone we met at the park. I did not know I am moving and I did not know I have to now make friends with the Infamous Rat Tail. Geeze now I am getting a little nervous.

A few weeks past and I did not move and see anyone from the park. I decided they were just talking about maybe moving. Then it happened my Mom human came home with boxes and boxes and she was so busy she barely played with me. The boy and girl human were busy and I knew things were changing.

One day my humans said come on Larry lets go for a ride, lets go visit Grandpa. I got really excited as I like him a lot, while we were driving I was pretty excited. I started thinking about my last car ride and I realized I may have to be brave because that other dog lives with my Grandpa.

We pulled up to the house and went inside. At first I was so excited I ran to my Grandpa and well you probably know what happened next, I peed.

Grandpa said oh Larry you always pee when you get happy, you need to relax. I am also happy to see you and I am not peeing.

Then it happened, my Moms sister came in the house with non other than Mikey aka Rat Tail. I started shaking in my shoes, but then I remembered I am the runt. I am the favorite so I will stand tall and pretend like I am not scared for my life. Mikey came over and we did our dog ritual, a little butt sniffing and a little soft growling. At first I thought my cover was blown when my stupid tail started wiggling, but then I saw his tail was wiggling also.

Time started passing and we tried playing. I jumped on Mikey he jumped on me and sometimes when I walked past him he bit me. Mommy said it was a love bite, but she does not speak dog and I know for sure he wants to eat me.

Luckily we went home and all was well…

Chapter 5

Boy was I glad that annoying youngster Larry went home. My Mommy and Daddy human said I should be nice to him as he is a young guy and he was going to be staying here for a while. I was not to happy with that idea but my humans said I have to get used to it as that is what family does. Family that guy is family. Well he does have a lot of wrinkles so maybe I am part Sharpei. Well if we are going to family for I will have to let him know who is Boss Dog. I ,Sir Mikey aka Rat Tail. I am Boss Dog! I rule the roost and I for sure will make that young guy bow down to me. He will give me all toys and I will steal his bed once he get’s here.

Chapter 6

I heard my humans say its moving day. I did not see any one moving they were just watching that square thing that talks. Later that day I saw some other humans, I knew they were family humans as I see them from time to time, showed up with a few things. Then they left. Late that night they came in with that dog. I guess his name is Larry even though I think by the time I am done with him he might just have a new name, like beat up or dead. My humans reminded me to be nice.

That Larry came in my house and started wiggling. He would not stop wiggling and I thought he kind of looked like he could use one of the doctors. I think he was having a seizure or something. I remembered my humans saying be nice so I went up to him. I barked loudly. I am Mikey. I am ruler of this house you will not eat my food, you will not sleep on my couch and you can’t play with my Mom. And that is the rules, youngster.

Chapter 7

It was moving day. Lots of activity and lots of people. No one wanted to play, they all said later Larry we are busy. My human girl came in my human boys room a lot and said later we will have fun. I believed her as she really loves me. Finally my boy human said come on Larry, we are done with this house. He put my food and my bowl and my bed and my toys in the car and we piled in. Off we went and we said goodbye to our old house.

We started driving and I could see my humans were tired. I was bored had nothing to do all day so I started wiggling in the car and talking to the people in the cars next to us. No one was paying attention to me.

We pulled up and sure enough we were at my Grandpa humans house. My boy human made me walk a little bit before we went in, He knows when I get happy I have to pee. We went inside and my fears were as suspected. There he was Big Mikey. He came to me and told me the rules. I am not allowed to eat his food, no going on his couch and I am not to try to steal his Mommy human, which is my Mommy humans sister. I knew he mean business when he growled at me. I tried to stand my ground and growl back I even jumped up on him like I was tough.I really was scared but I did not want anyone to notice. I got yelled at and squirted with the water bottle and then my boy human put down my bed and told me I had to go to sleep.

I decided it was safer to sleep with my Mom human and my girl human. They were nice to me and they kept telling me it will all be okay.

The morning came and my boy human took me for a walk. Wait no dumpster? no trash on the side walk? no left over poop to sniff. I am very confused. My Grandpa human must live in a very bad neighborhood. No wonder Mikey has to be so tough , he has to protect himself here. I bet there must be scary dogs and humans here.

Chapter 8

Time started passing and it seemed like Larry was not leaving. It was not so bad. His humans are really nice to me and they can walk me when my Daddy is not feeling good or my Mommy is out. She goes out a lot and when she is gone I miss her. Her sister is Larry’s Mommy human and I kind of like those little humans she brought with her. They play with me a lot.

Larry and I try to be friends but he is a youngster and he thinks he knows everything so I have to school him from time to time. You will never believe he tried to eat my food. I had to bite him right on the nose. I made him bleed and his humans got really worried. I thought I might be in big trouble, but there were just worried about him. I started to feel bad about biting him so hard, but hey sometimes you just react.

Now

they call him Scar. The other day we were walking through the streets. When we go out together our humans always remind us Rat Tail and Scar be nice. Don’t bark and don’t jump. I listen really well. Scar not so much he likes to bark. I figured out he is just bragging about being my brother. He yells at everyone and says clear the way, Rat Tail is coming through and he needs to do his business. Give him space give him privacy and most importantly don’t mess with his new partner in crime Scar.

So now you know about Rat Tail and Scar…..

Everyone needs a place to call home

Although a small group of people overall are actually homeless, many are without a place to call home.

Feeling homeless and being homeless can be the same or it can be quite different.

Everyone , every person, every being ,whether they admit it or not, needs to feel there is a place that is home, that is safe, that is peaceful.

For some this so called home in a garden, or a park or in their physical house. Some find it in a religious or spiritual place or worship. Some find it in a bar and some find it on a website.

Over the past year , I personally have been working with my sister, building a website a place to share and place to learn and a place to find comfort. This website  https://whitebearsworld.com  is still in progress but it main focus is for children and their families that have a rare or chronic disease, to share their stories and learn from one another. A place to share ups and downs and a place to offer new found information(medical)

Also in this past year I have spent a good part of the year in the hospital with my daughter, who has VACTERL Syndrome. Over their year I found it impossible to work and properly care for her, my son and myself. We would physically be homeless if not for the kindness of my family , we are staying at my Dads house while we figure out of next move.

Life is crazy and hectic sometimes and recently I have realized how important being home is.

Having that safe zone. Knowing people care if I am ok.

I wish that for everyone, although running into a very old friend whom was holding a sign looking for help getting food. He is not only emotionally homeless but physically homeless as well.

It broke my heart to see and I felt even worse that I have no way to help.

Please always send kind wishes to others as many many are physically or emotionally homeless.

Hoping as https://whitebearsworld.com, unfolds it will offer some comfort for others fighting rare and chronic disease to feel like they have someone, even a stranger who cares to know they are ok

Adding a few more worries!

This week is moving week. I have been packing for days and although I am almost done, there is still plenty of work to do.

I have not been looking forward to this move as I am putting my stuff in storage and staying with my Dad. After 25 years of living on my own, I am kind of sad that I have to pack it in a move home. I have been stressed about it, but have recently decided to look at it another way.

I have decided to see the good in it. I will be able to start saving some money, I will be able to not have to worry about lack of money and I will get to spend a ton of time with my Dad. I will get to live in a very nice area of town and I will be safe and loved. (of course so will my kids)

I always felt like I did not want to burden him. I know it will be an adjustment but in the long run it is short term and I jumping from one bad rental to another bad rental is just becoming silly at this point. I do have some concerns that my dog will be a nuisance to his dog as mine is much younger and a lot more energetic. Maybe it will all surprise me and they will become buddies, I hope at least.

I have not been able to work much the past few years, due to my daughter’s chronic illness and needs and my own medical needs. My knees are shot and my anxiety and depression were taking over full force. I have since started on a new medication and it is helping me to be more focused on what is important in my life. My family. My Health, their health and so on.

My daughter’s health has been a challenge to balance since the day she was born just about 13 years ago. She has Vater Syndrome(VACTERL Syndrome) Chronic Kidney disease and a whole bunch of other health concerns.

She is currently about 1-1/2 years post Kidney Transplant. She has had a lot of challenges in the past year or so but so far her Kidney seems pretty happy. She has some  virus issues that come and go and a constant battle with urine infections due to her lack of a bladder. At the end of next month we see Urology and they will make plans for surgical intervention to try to help with these constant infections. The procedure is called a Mitrofanoff and it is a long and complicated surgery at the time they will create a bladder for her and make a passageway using her appendix to allow for proper urination. It is big, she hates thinking or talking about it but it is truly starting to become an issue that is is not done already.

Yesterday was her monthly lab day. Although she was just discharged from the hospital last week and is just now finishing her round of antibiotics it seems something else is brewing. Her labs are off, her numbers are heading in the wrong direction and she is looking at another possible admission on Friday when she goes back to have a minor procedure(stent change) and repeat labs.

We are moving on Saturday so this could not come at a more complicated time, but hey that is what we do, complicated. I feel so sad thinking that the kidney could truly be acting up, but the doc said no panicking, it is not time to panic. It is time to watch for things and time to take care of the urological issues.

I would hate to think she could go through all this and potentially lose the kidney anyway. My poor little girl should simply be getting ready to celebrate her big 13th birthday. She should be ready to finish up school for year and enjoy staying at Grandpa’s where she can actually use the community pool as it is very clean and very well supervised.

Well I guess my worry hat is on this morning, but since she is in school , luckily she is not paying any attention to me. Hopefully today will be busy and distracting so we won’t be thinking about it much and hopefully I will close my eyes and my kitchen will pack itself. Yeah, I doubt that will happen but wishful thinking. As a Charmed fan, I wish I had that powers to move crap by just saying the name of the items like Paige does.. Yes I watch way too much TV!!

Crockpot Steak

I have made a ton of things in my Crockpot over the years. I have never really tried making steak in it though. As I have stated in an earlier post I am in the middle of moving and I am trying to use up all my groceries prior to my move to make life a little easier. Also with moving cooking in my crockpot allows me to take care of other things while still making a decent dinner.

The ingredients I used were simple, easy and tasty!

Sirloin Steak

Black Pepper

Paprika

Adobo

Garlic Powder

1 can of Rotel Tomatoes with Chile Peppers(medium heat)

I turned the crockpot on at noon, I went to work came home at 6 and was the tenderest steak I ever made.

My kids are not big fans of Rice A Roni, but I like it and well I need to finish up the groceries so I make the Beef Flavor to go with the Steak, It was truly delicious and I would surely make again.

I am sure that you could use whatever cut of steak you like but I used what I had, I had originally bought it to make fajitas. But I guess I never got around to that.

Sometimes I forget that I actually enjoy cooking, Now I need to start taking good pictures of these recipes.

When my husband was alive , he used to call  me Master Mix as no matter how little food we had I always found a way to throw it together and come up with a meal. That was a very long time ago and have gotten into the routine of  the What do you want for dinner game? which I actually don’t like at all. I ask my Daughter, I ask my son they will usually disagree on whatever the other on says and I will get mad and make a pot of pasta, he loves meat sauce, she hates the consistency and only wants pasta with meatballs. Kids they are always going to keep it interesting.

Happy Crockpotting!

A wish for today…

 

My wish for today is that everyone take one second to be thankful to that Mom, Dad, Grandparent, Aunt , Uncle, Teacher, or whomever taught them to cope with things. To learn to accept life on life’s terms to be good to one another. In the end of life the only that will be said at a funeral (what your legacy is) is the kind of person you are. No one is saying wow they had an awesome stove and what a lovely yard they had. Do you know how many great jobs they had. What will be said was how you treated others , how you impacted others and the type of way of living you lived. So make your legacy one to proud of.

In my 25 years as an adult, I have learned so much. I used to think working all day and being able to buy things was the most important. Then I started having kids and I learned loving and caring for them and teaching them is most important. Then my youngest was born with VATER(VACTERL) Syndrome and I learned even more about life. I learned how to be a caregiver, and advocate for her health and so so much more. I have an honorary nursing degree as I fondly call it. I could go on and on about our experiences and sometimes I do but today I am just thankful to have learned the importance of simply being there. The importance of listening and the importance of hearing what you are listening to. The other day my daughter was having a rough time, she is noticing that all of her peers are so much taller than her. She is realizing that the medicines she must take make her face puffy and there is not much she could do about that and it is giving her some self doubt. I believe that is pretty typical type emotions for one turning the big 13 in 2 weeks.

She was telling me her concerns and I tried to respond with a joke. I thought perhaps it would lighten her mood and distract what was bothering her. Joking and laughing is one of my coping mechanisms. I would rather laugh than cry although sometimes inside I am crying while others see me laughing. It works not always but a good part of the time anyway. This time it did not work, she said Mom you are a clown always laughing but I don’t find this funny, I am feeling like and she explained herself. I immediately told her she can tell me anything and I will hear her out and try to find a way to make her feel better and if I can’t than well I can’t but at least she can get it off her chest. I let her rant for a good ten minutes and then I told her that somethings in life we have control over and others we do not. The things we can control we should and sadly sometimes we must accept the things we can’t and if there is a way to make those things a little better, we should at least try. This seemed to help on this particular conversation. I was proud of myself for knowing I had to turn off my coping mechanism and hear out hers. Had someone along the line not teach this to me maybe our lives would be even more of a mess than they already are. That night she hugged me tight before bed and said she is kind of glad she is small so she can still snuggle with me.

If that is my only legacy in life was that I loved and was loved, truly that will be sufficient!

 

Hard to believe this is even me…

I have not written in a while. I have kind of been in a funk. I have a lot of emotions running through me and I am not sure where they will go and what I will be able to do to control the events that will follow.

I have always prided myself on taking care of myself. I have believed that somehow someway things will work out. I have believed that at the last moment something will come through and I will figure it out.

I am wrong. I am 3 -1/2 weeks away from actually being homeless. I have never thought that life would bring me here , but well here I am.

I have worked since I was 13 years old. I was never one to sit on my butt and do nothing, I was always the one who went out and found a way. Now it has been several years since I have had a real job, one I could count on , one that could count on me.

My daughter’s health has a lot to do with it. She is complicated at best, and she requires a ton of medical intervention. Appointments, surgeries, medications, treatments and so on. In addition to that she needs to be a normal kid, school, fun, life activities. I also have my teenage son home still in homeschooling, and my oldest who is on her own now.

I have tons of medical issues myself, I have tummy troubles. both knees need replacing, high blood pressure, weight issues and I have been fighting with depression and anxiety my entire adult life. With all these issues and my daughter’s issues finding work has been near impossible. I have tried at home jobs on the phone but they require mandatory times or good internet or other issues that I am not able to accomplish, not at lack of trying though. I have tried cashier jobs as they are more flexible timing, but standing for long periods of time cause my knee pain to be intolerable.

I have managed to maintain my residence, by living off my daughter’s SSI which is under 700 a month and my ex-husband was paying child support, which he did not do for the first 15 years after divorce, recently he found himself in jail and the checks stopped coming about 2 months ago. This has forced me to not be able to pay the bills at all , therefore rendering us homeless. My Dad has agreed to let us stay with him while we figure it all out, so at least we will be safe and loved, but it does not change the fact that it screws with my emotions. I have reached out to every organization only to be turned away each and every time.

I find it crazy that in a situation such as mine there is no help available. Housing has had a closed list for 8 years with no chance of getting in for at least 5 more years, I did not ask for my daughter to have all these health issues, nor did I ask her Dad to die from brain cancer, The only thing I could have done better was save years ago when I was working. I did not know where life would take me and I was under the impression that I would find a way.

I find myself fighting my depression with the help of medication but all I really want to do is climb in my bed and stay there for ever. I don’t, I get up I take care of my kids, I take care of meds and appointments. When my daughter is hospitalized I stay with her and go back and forth and check on my son. I make jokes and entertain her and all the kids like I am alive, like I am happy like I am not the mess I feel inside.

I don’t know what the near future will hold for us, but I do know that somehow someway I will find a way to not let it get the best of me.

And here’s to the future….

After almost 15 years I saw a Physiatrist, I used to see one a long time ago. At the time I suffered from not only depression and anxiety but self worthlessness. That was a long time ago. I have learned a lot about life and a lot about myself in these years. I no longer see myself as worthless, I actually think I am a pretty cool person. I am kind, well mannered(for the most part) and I can hold up my end of most conversations and when I can’t I stay quiet, crack a joke or admit I have no idea what you are all talking about so I am just going to sit back and listen.

I think all that that makes for a little clue as to how I might think, but it does not. It would be improbable to think that someone would be able to delve into my brain and get what is going on in there. It can be a scary place sometimes, mostly just mixed up, hyped up type thought but then there is some dark and depressing,sad and confusing stuff in there also.

Most people think I just go about my days but there are a handful of people who really know me. They know that I fight depression and anxiety and although I give it a good fight now and again it gets the best of me. In the past few years I have learned that no matter how I am feeling, put to the test, I will react and take care of whatever I need to do. If we have appointments, I get to them. If we have bills I figure out a way to pay them, if we have food I cook it, if we don’t I figure out how to get it and so on. So I do fight it, so what does that really mean, nothing on the big swing of things I still need help. I still have days where it is a complete blur and I have no clue how the things got accomplished and sometimes I wonder what exactly I said to all the people I encountered.

Well as it seems, the doctor did not admit me to an institution so that is a good sign. He also did not deny that I have had these issues a long time and even though I fight it on my own, I don’t need to , he is there and he will help to the best of his ability. I need to understand that just because you take a pill it does not lessen the fact that your kid needs to endure one more huge surgery before the summer is out and she really does not want to do it. It does not change the fact that I need to work, yet how can I work. I need to take care of business yet it is stressful not having a clue how. I need to understand just because a take a pill it is not magic it will not take away real life, however it will help, it will make me more evened out and less I can accomplish the world today and tomorrow and then I can’t get off the couch for three days. It may not make it perfect but it will help me to help myself. I believe that is a really good starting point.

I also learned that me talking to people about my issues and what is going on in my mind is a good thing and that seeing a counselor will help me work out some of the emotions I have and if anything give me a good sounding board. I need that.

I have so many stories I would like to share. So many things I would like to talk about , but then people would know, then people judge, then people would look at me and have something say about things that are past tense and even if you would have done differently, I am not supernatural and I can’t go back and change events, it is simply not an option. Although that would be kind of cool. I watch  a lot of Supernatural and Charmed and the different powers are all kind of awesome, but I know better….

So I will try out some new medication, hope it works, hope I don’t break out in hives like the others in the past, and hope to be able to see my future in the bright way I would truly like to see it…

BBQ Brisket

I found this picture among my own, although I don’t shred my brisket on a board, so I am guessing this must be from somewhere online I saved for one reason or another. Anyway credit to google I guess.

Yesterday I was heading to Publix , our favorite grocery store. I told my daughter what you you like for dinner tonight. We were thinking Steak Fried Rice. So we went straight for the steaks only to see we were not impressed with any we saw for that meal, however there was this brisket just sitting there, moved from its corrected spot, looking like a lost item that will probably not get purchased. I moved it back to the right area to save that fate only to see there were some very nice pieces that were half the price they were last time I purchased.

Dinner plans changed, BBQ Brisket, which I make in the crockpot so really it should just be pulled brisket with bbq or crockpot brisket, Whatever you want to call it , was delicious.

I started off by browning the meat with a little pepper and garlic, and some onion powder. I then added chopped, red, green, orange bell peppers and chopped onion. Then I added a can of Rotel tomatoes with Chile Peppers. Once the meat was browned to my liking I added it to the crockpot. I put the veggies I added a little bbq sauce and turned it on high. About 4 hours in I turned the meat and added more bbq sauce. Then I let it continue to cook until my son was about to cry I was starving him to death. See he is 17 and quite capable of making his own food but when I make certain meals, he reverts back to that little boy who liked being spoiled a bit. My daughter was patiently waiting but she uses her head. If it is a crockpot meal she knows she is going to smell all day and wait forever to eat. I tell them it is anticipation and they should learn to embrace it, they tell me it is torture…

When the meat is ready I take it out of the crockpot, shred it, remove any fat that I may have missed and add it back to the sauce and if needs anymore flavoring, I attend at that time then I let it simmer it the sauce while I make a quick pot of rice, or yellow rice or in last night’s case it was mac and cheese. I will admit it has been about a year since I have made boxed mac and cheese and I bet it may be 10 years before I buy it again. Totally lost my taste for it, would rather have plain egg noodles or rice with that meal anyway.

Learning to cut back on sodium is something I have been working on for years, as my daughter was on dialysis for 8 years, but I never really cut it out I just cut back and for as little as she eats it always worked but now that she is older and eating more I am truly learning to cut it out where I can, buy lower sodium versions of certain items and use fresh ingredients for flavors as much as possible. You would be amazed the flavor that comes from a chile pepper.

Kashmir…..

Shared from Youtube, if I need to state that to be on the up and up and all that.

So there are some days where no matter what your mind is a blur and you just need to escape it somehow.

Just got home from pre-op with my 12 year old. She is going in to have her scoliosis corrected. They will be putting in titanium rods and fusing a good part of her spine after they straighten out her ribcage.

I have known about this surgery for a very long time. It was scheduled for 6 months ago but she was not healthy enough to proceed at that time. She had her native kidney get infected and months of antibiotics that eventually led to surgery.

Anyhow after this day, I still had to meet up with her teacher and have a little school. See hospital homebound is a great program with little funding. If students miss days they lose funding, when a child misses on certain weeks it makes bigger impacts and this was one of those weeks. So we rushed to get in a little school and just now it’s 5 in the evening and I am quite thankful I threw dinner in the crockpot this morning.

I have several things I should be doing right now but quite frankly I am in my room, with my door shut and the music blasting as loud as my half broken sound system will go.

When my mind gets this stressy as I call it there are a few things I can do and one of the first ones is always blasting something that will bring me to a different time, a different place a mindset that was free and simple, no real responsibilities, no real people actually counting on me for anything.

The time and place right now in my mind is a much simple fun time, back of Lorenzo’s alley way on 249th and Union, hanging out sipping beers and blasting music, my first introduction to teenage life, my now I am old enough and cool enough to stand in a street alley, freezing my butt off killing myself with smoking and drinking and thinking there is nothing better than this. My life free and simple.

Blasting music from this time of my life is so easy for me, so familiar and yet so so far away. 25 years since I lived in NY 25 years since I really had friends, people to hang around with people who believed in me and trusted me. My childhood, teen neighborhood friends, school friends and all that.

In the years since, I have been married twice have 3 children and have surely had my ups and downs over these years .I would not trade them for anything as I love my children more than I could ever imagine an emotion even existed for, but today I just want to hide blast some Zeppelin or the Ramones and ignore the real life that exists on the other side of my door.

 

How does this work? If I want to write a novel?

I have been thinking of all the experiences of my life. The experiences that I have lived, the experiences that I read about, the experiences that others have shared with me. This all lives inside my brain. In the place I know there is like a whole series of novels in there , but how. How do you separate the real from the fiction and not crossover lines of deceit? How do you write an entertaining novel, a story someone enjoys reading based on things you know without sharing parts of your story that intertwine with other people’s stories.

I feel like it would be a lot more fun to tell the tales I would love to share, embellished to hide any real identities and enough to add some of the fun stuff that intrigues you to continue reading a story.

I have not always been an avid reader, as a matter of fact I suck in that department all together. I read a lot as a teenager, required stuff and stuff friends offered that they liked. I preferred to read a magazine or talk or something else. It was only in the recent years that I found out how much I enjoy writing. I was a class clown. I went to school to hang out and once 10th grade hit, at the request of the guidance counselor , I joined the CO-OP Program. You go to school one week, and work one week for the entire school year. You get paid not as much as if you just worked there but it was a paycheck, and you got skills experience. We believed that mattered at that time, only 25 -30 years ago.

In addition I had been working at the gas station after school and on the weekends, also back then it was full serve, you actually made min wage and tips, I racked up being a young teenage girl working in a gas station in the cold, in the rain, whatever and I milked it, really milked it. On school weeks I took, how to balance a checkbook, math. I took reading and study hall and aerobics and lunch or whatever I was forced to take. Science and History,although history probably had my attention the best. Never knew it then but looking back at my life I was ADHD as best as you can be. And in addition I do not hear correctly, but I hear perfectly so not really something someone would notice, other than me, I always knew something was wrong with me. I have never been properly diagnosed and have always been self medicating.

I have a lot of stories all tangled up and I would love to explore writing a novel, so if anyone can offer some pros to doing that please please comment and tell me, encourage me.

Enjoying the wonders of nature….

On a cold and rainy Sunday morning. Some of my family and I had the pleasure of being in Orlando Florida. We live in Tampa so it is not a very long trip for us, but with other obligations, appointments, schedules and finances travel is not something we can do very often and certainly not all of us together.

It was my Dad, my oldest Sister and her Son and Granddaughter, my youngest daughter and myself. The day before we actually went to Orlando and even my other sister was there but only for that day. It was a pretty mixed aged group of family , kids and adults. went from 81 right on down to 4. My Dad has his health issues, my sister back issues, me knee issues and my daugher bone disease among of health issues. The other two are basically healthy as far as I know, anyhow.

The cold weather made it slightly uncomfortable on Saturday, but on Sunday it was added rain. It lasted most of the morning and it really not the best day to have spent a fortune on tickets that were only good for that day.

The main reason for the trip was to take my daughter somewhere fun. Her last trip was her Make a Wish, when she was 3 and sadly, she remembers just about nothing of that time. My daughter has been through an awful lot this past year alone, never mind it has been her whole life all 12 years of it so far. One surgery after the next, one trade off for another. She recently spent 5 months in and out of the hospital with urine infection after infection, to finally her native kidney got terribly infected requiring months of antibiotics and finally a nephrectomy. This little lady has been a trooper through all that she had to endure and she continues to be that way on a daily basis. Since transplant she has had a lot of downs and she has major spinal surgery scheduled for 2 weeks from today. We all just wanted her to enjoy some of what life has to offer while she has a break from some of this stuff.

We wound up in Universal Studios, all ready to see Harry Potter world in its full glory. The parks ability to amaze me has not changed in the 10 years it’s been since I was there last. There were tons of new things to see to the point that we did not even see the old things.

We get to the park, decide which side has the attractions we want to see first and head straight to the Harry Potter world. The kids first stop was surely to get a magical wand.We decided to do a ride first and then head over. By the time we walked from the entrance to that area, we were soaking wet and cold. The kids did not care much but for me my knees were crying. My Dad was frozen and my sister was only good when she was walking, once she had to stand still the pain would overwhelm her, sit or keep moving works best. My daughter ignored her issues and went straight for the fun.

Now it is time to see where we will get this wand. We decide we are here we should do the whole Wand Experience. So we get to the line. It is not terribly long as the cold and rain deterred park goers. We had to wait about 10 minutes that felt like and hour for sure. As we wait in the line I am taking in the beauty of the park. The way they designed the buildings to look like the movies. The way they designed it to look cold. The way the snow was atop the buildings truly made me feel like I was meant to be in a cold place, that I was pretty cold. As the line starts approaching the entranceway to the door of the attraction, I am stopped next to a drain pipe. I look down and I see this little yellow flower all wilted and being ravished by the rain, coming through the pipe. It was so simple and beautiful to me. I thought of all the things I will see today I know some will be so big and amazing, but I am sure that my memory of the day will go back to the simple beauty of nature. The one little flower just there for the taking of the rain.

No matter where I go and what I do I try to take in a little bit of the world with me. I remember a time in my late 20’s maybe even my early 30’s I was hanging out with my Dad. Doing something to my home. I think we broke the spigot to the outside water hose and my Dad was fixing for us. So a very big beautiful bird flew in the yard. I said look it’s a Pterodactyl. My Dad stopped what he was doing and said, Really? do you not know what that is , I of course responded with a big bird, I don’t know. He stated you are uncultured. Why, I thought I did a better job teaching you about the world. I felt stupid, like I live in Florida and I should know that was a Crane of some sort. I don’t really remember. I just remember feeling dumb and wishing that I did not say there was a long ago extinct prehistoric bird in my yard.

Over the years I started paying more and more attention to nature surrounding me. I tried to learn the names of things and have made it a point to take photos of interesting things and in turn have better adult type conversations with my Dad, after my mother passed 17 years ago I realized that getting to know him a  person and not just a Dad was pretty important to me and having him like me as a person and not just his kid was equally as important.

When I saw that little yellow flower just hanging on , on the edge of that drainpipe, next to the awesome wand experience of Harry Potter I knew it was something I just needed to discuss….

One Less Doctor

The following article was written by CPR Podcast. I shared it as it is a description of a Cardiac medical condition that my daughter had. When she was born they told us she may have some cardiac issues. They only ever discussed a heart murmur. Then when she was 3 they found that she had WPW- Wolfe Parkinson White syndrome. She had an extra pathway in her heart and it caused her heart to race and potentially could be very dangerous if not properly handled.

I came across this article this morning and wanted to share it as this week , we got exciting news from my daughters Cardiologist. He has officially discharged my daughter from Cardiac care. He stated that is just about 2 years since her Ablation and she is not showing any signs that the pathway has returned. He of course will be available if she needed him but as complicated as she is any progress is giant progress. Thank you CPR Podcast for the medical description of this condition. 

You are dispatched to a residence on a report of a child with an altered mental status. Upon arrival, you find an 8 year old boy lying on the couch responsive to verbal stimuli. His mother states he had been playing outside today when he came inside and complained of extreme weakness. He laid on […]

via Pediatric Tachyarrhythmias — CPR PODCAST

5 seasons in 1 week, umm thats a lot of tv….

A few years ago my oldest daughter really wanted me to watch Weeds, with her. I really wanted to watch, after the first episode I was easily hooked. I did not get to see more than one season at that time. Finally I got time to watch it but had family staying with me and it was too much activity to really pay attention, I missed a lot. So now I am re-watching and finally getting to see just how crazy Nancy is and just watch she really was doing when I was only halfway watching.

I know a lot of people are not interested in watching drug shows, but then again it’s in every show, What show does not have episodes of people smoking weed. It has been around for ever and  I doubt it is going anywhere, if anything it is more and more socially acceptable and not as big a deal as it once was.

So the story is a cable series so it is not really for kids but I will admit all three of my kids have watched the series. My youngest is just now getting through it she saw the first 4 seasons on her own time so I figured if she already watched what is the difference to watch with her. So now as we are on season 5 a lot has happened but of course there is still lots to go.

Show starts like any other, introduction of main characters. The Mother, Nancy, the teen son Silas, the younger boy who is about 10 is named Shane. Then there is the housekeeper, Lupita, and you start meeting the rest of the cast, Doug- her accountant and best customer, Dean another customer and friends husband, and sons girlfriends father. So you start seeing how they all interact and how her role as their dealer comes about. She shows up during the poker game, golf course and so on. She seems to be semi-wholesome in the beginning. Well , that does not last. She is a hot mess but somehow you will root for her to get away with it all, to live her life to find happiness.

You find out her Husband died in the very first episode. So she had this housewife lifestyle with him and she did not know how to keep that going. Once she figured it out, well she figured it out. The kids grow up as the story unfolds and they each have their own dealings with the mother and their Family Business…

I really enjoy it. The way I see it is if you love Gangster movies, shoot em up movies, family stories, drama and a little love and crazy scenarios I think you could really enjoy the show. It’s been out a long time so you can catch the whole series on Netflix and no commercials! Yay

Well it’s about time, Lisa….

About 1-1/2 years ago I wrote an article about Steroid Psychosis. This is probably the most personal experience I have ever shared here. Here is a link to it if you would like to read: Time has pas…

Source: Well it’s about time, Lisa….

Berry Smoothies

Lately I have been on smoothie kick. My kids and I are trying to change our eating habits. We have gone from much fried food and sweet snacks, baked goods and little debbies, and of course don’t forget the salty chips and stuff, to mostly baked, grilled or in the crock pot meals.

We have reduced sweets to holidays and special occasions, birthdays and such. Just last night I baked a Chocolate cake for my niece for her 8th birthday. Her Dad did not relay to her Mom that I was baking the cake and well then there were too. Not my plan but well hopefully it goes away today as I am having some company this afternoon. An old friend is coming by for a visit. Surely I will be able to pawn at least one piece of cake off on him.

For a while we were using my sisters single cup blender. She loaned it to me as I told her we need to try to find more healthy choices and smoothies are awesome. Well just a few weeks ago I caught an awesome sale. I got a $24.99 blender on sale to 19.95 and then a final reduce to 16.95 plus my 20% off for having the Target Cartwheel app. That was awesome and truthfully I went to the store just for that reason. I had no clue it reduced again down to 16.95 but I was super happy with my choice.

I bought a big bag of frozen mixed berries. I choose the organic, not sure if there was a reason I did that or not, I think it was just the same price same amount so why not. I bought a large container of lowfat vanilla yogurt. I buy Dannon as I like that one the best. Now I take the correct amount of berries out for the three of us, and a few spoons of the yogurt and blend away. Sometimes I add a little juice or more ice if I think the kids will want bigger drinks. But as long as I buy the ones with the berries so far they never go to waste. I really wanted to get the strawberry banana mix but they only had ones with papaya and I know my son does not like papaya so I skipped it. When I go shopping again I hope to be able to buy fresh fruit instead of the frozen and then just add ice. I hope it would come out the same or better? Time will tell

My daughter tells me I should be adding protein and seeds and things I tell her I get enough of that through my diet, but she swears if I do that I won’t want to eat anything else? Not sure about that either.

Well it’s about time, Lisa….

About 1-1/2 years ago I wrote an article about Steroid Psychosis. This is probably the most personal experience I have ever shared here.

Here is a link to it if you would like to read:

https://lisabarriera.wordpress.com/2015/08/16/steroid-psychosis-a-personal-experience/

Time has past since I wrote this article. Just now I am finally making my doctor appointments and looking into helping myself. I have been seeing my Ortho for a long time because of my knees. I have been seeing primary because my Blood Pressure and I have now started seeing Rheumatology  due to the my joint pain and my primary saw something in my blood work that thought needed more attention.

What I did not deal with was my mental. My emotional status. My ability to look at the past of my life and love what was great and let go of what was not. I have made great strides in some areas and horrible in others. I have not been able to force myself to diet, to stay on an exercise routine. Some days I do great and I make efforts and others I can barely just take care of my kids and that is the best I can do.

I listen to other people, they tell me their problems. I hear them, I feel for them and I look at how much is stuff they could have controlled had they really been paying attention. I know for myself, I have let certain things happen. I could have stopped them but it would have changed everything and I was too afraid of the change, did not want to be the butt of more bad decisions, therefore hearing how all my decisions are bad somehow or another really screws with my self esteem.

When I read about that last year of my husbands life, and I read how I was feeling when I wrote that article it makes me feel those emotions all over again.I woke up yesterday, totally disturbed. My mind would not turn off. I was distraught at something that was said about me a long time ago and I thought I put it to smash, yet clearly it is still an open topic of discussion by people who have done nothing but lie and been lied to. Not by me I just went along with it. My husband said it is none of their business(meaning anyone) and he would not tell the truth about things that honestly there was no reason to lie about. Simple things like his brother inviting him over and him saying oh I can’t go because we have to do this or that, when in all reality we just had no gas in the car. He would tell his family that he had money from this or that, rather than no my wife pawned her ring so we could pay the light and buy this birthday present for you. Or even better They gave it to me. Who was they ?(no-one) why would they just give it to you. But funny they never questioned this. He said it, surely it must be true, although they are always the type that even if they do something nice to you they would say don’t tell anyone, I did this.

See if you are always lying, chances are you will believe others are lying too.

I have nothing to lie about. I tell the truth in my writing. I share information that is not anyone’s business yet I feel like sharing it and I do. I don’t deny that my father taught me the value of money, he taught me to invest and all kind of smart things. I heard him but clearly I was not listening. I have managed to be in my 40’s. Not a dime in the bank or anywhere else. No 401K no savings, no retirement plan, and to top it off just about no income. I was taught better, I just did not learn. When my daughter(my youngest) came into this world as sick as she did , I had no idea what the future would hold, and quite honestly income, and savings and money was rarely a thought, only to get through the month with bills and keep the kids happy- or happyish. We did our best. I worked full time he stayed with the kids. With the little one having a million appointments and all it truly worked out of the best. When I lost my full time job everything went hectic for a bit but we figured it out. I got a part time job, he found some apartments to manage part time and we made do. When he passed, all those appointments became mine. My daughter got listed on the transplant list and well if you read some of my other posts you can pretty much see where we are at now.

Finally I have made an appointment with a psychiatrist.

This appointment is way past due as I should not still be so upset about the comments being made. I should still not wake up and see my husband trying to choke me. I should not sleep three hours a night and then struggle for the next 6 with my brain and any combination of emotions until I finally knock back out due to exhaustion, unless we have an appointment and there I will be up again for the day only making the sleepless pattern continue.

I am going to find a way to live with all this pent up emotion. Figure out is it anger, is it depression and anxiety, is it fear that I loved someone so much that seeing him go crazy made me go crazy?I don’t have a clue, could it be everything I see with my daughter. Could it simply be lack of support or what I don’t know but in about 6 more weeks I will be able to start working on that. Good thing I am not suicidal as long as the appointments take to get but what can you do at least with my lack of income , I am getting medical help.

Don’t wait this long , it is to overwhelming.

 

First step….

It was a simple gesture, saying welcome back on the board in Angel’s room. To a casual observer it may not even be noticed. To me, as the aunt of one of the most amazing people I know, that gesture was symbolic of the many years of love, heartache, triumph and hope that we have […]

via In Order to Get Anywhere, We Must Take the First Step — Marie Cheine

So who watched Glee?

When my daughter said to me Mom, let’s watch Glee I was kind of like eww, why. Then she said come on Mom you love musicals and whenever shows have singing episodes you love them. So I agreed that she may have a point. I or I should say we were in the mid to end of Season 2 of Charmed, which I am loving by the way. We can talk about charmed another time, see I have seen many episodes way past where I actually am but I am trying to watch straight through.

Glee surprised me. I was a little shocked at the immaturity of the teachers , come to find out that is some pretty funny stuff shoved in the middle of all that high school drama. The singing is mostly enjoyable they have some talents and they touch upon all kind of things that could and do come up in high school.

Coach Sue, she is a hot mess the things that come flying out of her mouth never surprise me anymore, as anything goes with her. Her relationship with Becky(whom has Down’s Syndrome) is sweet and funny , you can tell always under her meanness she cares. She has turned Becky into a mini her and Becky pulls of the feistiness in an adorable way.

The Glee teacher, Will Schuester starts of the show in a loveless marriage and is in love with the guidance counselor. He fights for the kids and over all he proves to be a pretty decent guy, although a bit immature would be part of his description.

Over time you do find yourself routing for certain characters, watching the kids come out of their shells and become people who actually stand for sometime. They believe in themselves and that allows them to shine.

Some of the singing is outstanding and others is just like where is the GONG! Sometimes I would find myself singing right along and sometimes I am like I think we need to fast forward a few minutes before I throw some tomatoes at my TV, and well that is just messy and gross so thank goodness for fast forward.

When one of the main characters died in real life they had to add it to the show. They did a fabulous job adding it and not ever saying what really happened. Although you wondered a bit they have his brother say something along the lines of What difference does it make how he died that was only a moment in his life, isn’t it more important how he lived. At first I was like really they are not going to make up some story, but in the end I guess I feel like that was a pretty good way to handle it.

I like how they brought broadway, rock,disco and pop together in ways that I would probably never think of. Over all if you have kids in the high school or younger age and they like music they will probably enjoy this show. Like I said earlier if you can get past the immaturity of the whole show you can get down to the humor in it and it is worth the watch.

 

Team Angel- Part 2 in a series

It has been a while since I have written about Team Angel. Well I will tell you it has been one heck of a ride lately. The last time I wrote we were just discovering that Angel’s native kidney was infected and the extent of what it really meant. What it meant was several weeks of IV antibiotics, excruciating pain and a 7 hour surgery. It meant missing the Kidney Walk, Being in bed on Halloween( short story insert here) Angel’s Surgery team has known her for a very long time, they are like extended family just like her Nephrology team, so when Angel waited all day for her surgery only to get bumped by an emergency, they decided to hook up her room with all Halloween decorations and loaded her up with pizza, candy, cookies and gatorade. It was pretty awesome of them to make her feel so special, as she is.

Now the Kidney comes out. Her surgeon found so much infection and abscess that when he came out he said it is no wonder the extent of her pain, I can’t even believe she tolerated it that long. Of course he has done many extensive surgeries on her and she never ceases to surprise him with a new complication. That is what Angel does best and as her Mom, caregiver, and best fan and fan club of Team Angel that is what we do best! complication.

So now it has been just over 4 weeks since her surgery. Her new very long scar on her belly crosses over the one she had from her colostomy and its reversal surgeries. It is healing very nicely but still slightly tender. Since the surgery Angel was released from the hospital only to go back a week later after labs with elevated creatinine, and active for The BK virus, EBV and CMV , I believe it was the CMV that admitted her as that is the one that has actual treatment. They can give her an AntiViral called Ganciclovir and it is pretty nephrotoxic so they keep you in the hospital until they feel you can go home on an oral comparison of the medication. Her immune system is so weakened that she has caught a cold and it is still there weeks later, she now has another Urine infection , when I looked up the bacteria the internet says it’s mostly only found in sick people who  have poor health so that made me sad, but since her doctors did not say that I am not letting myself got crazy with thought, as I do a lot of the time.  It is quite difficult to always see your child suffering. There are days when I can do nothing but fight tears all day because I am just so sad she suffers so much. Of course I put on my big girl face and pretend like I am fine 99% of the time.

So now that she is home from the hospital it has been about 2 weeks. She is being treated outpatient for the urine infection and the cold should have been gone a long time ago but the cough is lingering and I would be concerned about it had she not just a saw all her doctors two days ago and they were not concerned. She is on antibiotics that would traditionally be given for a throat infection or sinus infection so if that were the case it would treat that right along with the urine infection, which here lies in the problems we are facing at the moment. She has the urine infection, she has a cough, she has pain in her kidney and less urine output, she was throwing up every day for weeks many times a day and she lost a lot of medication in this time so anything could be going on but as of Tuesday she her labs looked great and her virus panel came back negative of all three viruses and that BK has been lingering around a very long time. We go in tomorrow morning for labs and I am expecting that they will keep her although I of course hope not.

I have some errands I need to attend to, my driver side window in my car has been stuck up for months. It is driving me crazy as going in and out of the parking garage and opening the door people think I am going to rob them, I can’t go through a drive through anything without the same look and honestly I live in Florida it is the only time a year I can drive with open windows and I look forward to that. So my son who is 17 and knows nothing about cars takes apart the door , halfway through he says we need to go to grandpa’s house I need tools. What he needed was Grandpa to walk him through it. Come to find out the piece that needed replacing was stuck to the glass so they decided can’t fix. All night my kid pondered that window and went back out to try again the next day , after many hours of him having my car apart, Angel called her Uncle and said Jacob has a problem can you come help him. So they decide we will go to the junkyard yesterday and get the new part which we did only for them to shatter the glass while putting it in. Of course the Junkyard was already closing and it is a good 25 minute drive over there. So now I have no window and I need to fix that today so tomorrow if they keep her I will be ok leaving my car , I would hate leaving it wide open in a parking lot or garage.

There is always something going on with us. The good thing is we have gotten a lot of love and support from friends and family. My brother in law had a musical fundraiser for our family which allowed me to pay the remainder of my bills for November and get  my Dad and Son a birthday present. It may seem minor to some but it feels terrible to be so broke you can’t even do that. I am quite thankful that we got to be home for my Dad’s 81st birthday, Thanksgiving and my sons birthday. Since we basically spent the past several months in the hospital this is a true blessing to be home.  We have decided not to call back her Back doctor until after the holidays as her back surgery was supposed to be done in September and it is a very big surgery so we need her to be at optimal health before she gets that one done and then we will start dealing with Urology.

Angel’s trip is still on hold as she is not ready to be traveling right now. She is not really up for it yet I don’t think and going to New York in the Winter seems like a great idea but she has never experienced that kind of cold and with all her pain that might not make for a great trip. I don’t want her to need pain medicine just to enjoy it. We have told the nice lady who has sponsored Angel for this wish our concerns and that maybe she could change her wish to sometime more local so it will be easier to plan and closer to our hospital if need be. An hour drive is not unreasonable but on the other hand it is her wish and she should get exactly what she wants not what is convenient so it is a tough call. Either way she will get to do something amazing and I will do my best to make it as fun as I possibly can for a Mom anyway…

 

For current updates on Angel’s story you can always find on her facebook page @TeamAngel

https://www.facebook.com/teamangelraye/?fref=ts

#TeamAngel

 

to be continued…….

 

Have I ever told you about the time at KFC?

About 13-14 years ago, I was recently divorced and wanted  a bigger different place as I had just been promoted at work and was financially comfortable. Who knew fast forward to today I would be in such an uncomfortable place . Oh well that is not what this story is about. So I purchased a 3 bedroom 2 bath mobile home. It was nice-ish anyway. It had some cosmetic needs but it was not in bad shape and the area was nice for me being a single Mom. So I decided I wanted to rip up the carpeting all around the place and replace some areas with wood, which I actually did laminate wood look for the majority of the home.

Let’s be a little more honest here and say I did not put down the laminate flooring I hired a neighbor and then other neighbors offered to help and well anyway by the time the day came to put the floor down there were about 11-12 people at my house.

So now it is getting to be early afternoon and I needed to now feed all the people who were there. Truthfully only one person was actually working the rest were drinking beer and well I needed to feed them all. So I decided I would go down the street to Kentucky Fried Chicken, get a couple of buckets of chicken some sides and and stop for some soda’s along the way. So now I convince my sister to come to KFC with me as I don’t want to order all that food by myself. I will admit I was a lot thinner then , than I am now but even so I was not skinny and ordering a few buckets of chicken, well you know that could leaving me open for many comments and or jokes at my expense.

So now I finally go into the place and I order like 80 dollars worth of food. And the lady behind the counter says  to me is that to stay or to go. Now I don’t know what your response would be , but mine was Yes and Can I have a Diet coke with that.

I laughed and laughed the entire way home and to this day my sisters will joke with me and say Do you want a Diet coke with that, and we just crack up.

I am glad to say with all the problems of the world I can still look back and reflect on a simpler time for me and enjoy the funny memories.

What is everyone binge watching?

I went for a really long time not watching tv. Since I have picked the habit up of Binge watching I can say I love it. I love picking a show and seeing it from beginning to end. I love the feeling of approaching the end and knowing I am going to miss that show. I also know when I am not sure what to do with down time, I have a show I can re-watch while I do regular around the house kind of stuff.

I talk a lot of tv with my sisters. I have a few friends who watch some of the same shows so there is always someone to discuss at least one of the shows I am currently on. I watch most tv with my youngest daughter, the one I always write about@teamangel.

Since she is only 12 I can only watch but so much with her. I can watch other shows with my older children, but my son who is near 17 now gets embarrassed by certain things in my presence. My oldest daughter does not live at home anymore so when she comes over we always wind up talking through anything we put on anyway.

Right now we are currently watching the following shows:

That 70’s Show

Cheers

It’s always Sunny in Philadelphia

Charmed

SuperNatural

Greys Anatomy

Empire

Once upon a time

Better Call Saul

General Hosptial

 

 

and sometimes we like to watch the contest shows on the Food Network and The HGTV shows when we are in the hospital. At home we only have Netflix and Hulu, by choice but it is nice to catch some of the other shows once in awhile.

We are planning to rewatch the last season of Gilmore Girls just before the Reunion or whatever they are calling it comes out end of next month.

I would love to hear what series shows you all have watched. Maybe I have way more to talk about and maybe I could look forward to the suggestions and what you loved about the ones you have already watched or in the process of.

 

In the last few years I have watched the following

Breaking Bad

Weeds

Greys Anatomy- up to current

MadMen

Private Practice

House

Royal Pains

Arrested Development

Orange is the New Black

Part of Narcos- just have not gotten back to yet

ParentHood

Supernatural- up to current

Young and Hungry

SuperStore

Hart of Dixie

Gilmore Girls

Pretty Little Liars

Gossip Girl- never got past the 1st season

I am sure a whole bunch more but they are not coming to me at the moment.

I think I loved all of them in different ways. Breaking Bad took me out of my tv comfort zone

Weeds- Nancy had me cracking up the entire series with her craziness.

House made me feel smart and Grey’s well that just showed me that I am an emotional mess.

I could easily talk about any of the shows I already watched and I am eager to find new and old shows that I have not heard of or had a chance to see.

So tell me about your TV talk!

 

 

and the journey continues….

I have been blogging about my daughter’s health conditions and her journey’s for quite some time. I don’t have a very big following but that is ok. I am good with whatever comes as it makes me feel good to share her, our journey. It helps me to speak about things, hear it for myself and I enjoy writing sometimes.

While everyone all over the internet is going crazy talking politics, I am mostly quietly sitting in my daughter’s hospital room. I am likely to be doing something for or with my daughter or chatting with our hospital family as I call them. This staff of amazing people that truly continues to grow. This admission has been 10 days so far or maybe it is 11 I can’t even be sure. We have very high hopes of discharge tomorrow and very much looking to be home.

We initially went into the hospital for stomach and back pain and throwing up. She is now 8 months post Kidney Transplant and is having some complications. She has BK virus, which I have written about if you would like to know more, Somehow this particular virus likes transplanted kidneys. It is trying to take over but the doctors are like, nah we are really not going for that. So they have done a few things to try to get it to go away but it is still there and putting up its fight. It is quite likely they will reduce, stop or change what little anti-rejection medication she is still currently taking. With this many things can happen, what we would hope for is that her immune system would increase on its own. We would hope that her body would fight it off. If this does not happen there are not too many options and it is likely it will damage the kidney. I have learned from other families that they have experienced this and the kidney is still hanging on, they just have a lot of complications.

During this admission she has undergone, 3 ivs at least 15 blood draws from all up and down her hands and arms,  She got two shots of pain medication before she could even get an iv placed, she has had kidney ultrasound, and nephrostogram and stent removal and replacement. She has had x-rays to her stomach, a head MRI cultures of everything they could culture and finally the gastric emptying study.

I will hope for the best and understand it is not in my control. I can only do what is best for her and let her have fun and enjoy life.

We found a source of her stomach issues by doing a gastric emptying study. It took about 5 hours, she had to eat some scrambled eggs with some radioactive stuff in it and then take x-rays one time an hour starting 5 minutes after eating. This shows how quickly the food digests and looks like it is very very slow way more than normal. They are going to add a medication to see if it can help with that. Should resolve the stomach pain as long as she is not throwing up or anything else that has been on and off for a little while now.

I am pretty sure she is heading on the other side of this urine infection that she has. She is getting annoyed being in the hospital and when she does not feel good she does not want to be at home wondering if she will go to the hospital she would rather just go. So when she starts feeling better she looks forward to coming home. I decided to come home tonight as it was midnight and I just need to sleep in my bed. I have two knees that need replacing and some joint pain throughout my body and I can do 2 nights in a row but the third night if she is well I come home.The chairs that open are tolerable but the older I get the harder they are to sleep in.  She is 12 and totally has a blast with the nurses when I am not there. Some of the nurse’s and tech’s have cared for her since she was a baby. The interventional radiology department , knows her so well that they sedate her for procedures quite regularly and they are on first name basis’ and she is totally comfortable in their care. She has nurses that just come in the room to get hugs from her , just because. That is the amazing part of this whole journey. It is about the love. The people who come to work to survive their own lives and actually work diligently to save other people’s lives. It is beautiful and amazing and rarely appreciated.

Social Work, worries about paperwork. Make sure you have all of your papers in order. Make sure everything signed. I know they do this to protect the hospital and the patient so I follow formalities. The Doctor’s order tests and work on figuring out the sources of the symptoms. The nurses try their hardest to follow every procedure and always hoping for the best outcome, knowing that sometimes it is going to hurt the patient or maybe scare them. They have to put up with the personalities of the patients, families, doctors , techs,  and other personal , it is so much to do with each patient having constant needs and they get it done, and they show compassion almost all the time. My daughter knows the housekeeping staff, the dietary staff the lady who sits in the front desk information,She is buddies with child-life, she knows the people in admissions and the transporter people and they all do their jobs with the intention of making that hospital a place people can feel confident to trust them when they are already vulnerable.

I am truly thankful for these people I just spoke about but I am also thankful for the experience. I have learned about compassion and empathy and how they interact and are not the same. I have learned strength and vulnerability and I have learned just how far a little information can comfort a racing mind.

I will continue to share bits and pieces of my daughter’s journeys and of other things I decide to write about and I hope somehow sharing her ups and downs along this thing called life, that somehow it will make it a little better to go through. Perhaps her strength will be someone else’s rope when they are falling down and need help back up.

 

 

Not even sure how to feel!

Just over two years ago, we found out my husband had terminal brain cancer. During that time in the beginning of him fighting this illness we researched every possible thing to help him beat that disease. During that time we read a lot and some of the stuff seemed promising some did not. We followed strict doctor’s orders and we discussed all of our findings with him regularly.

I know this is controversial, so I don’t always bring it up with everyone I speak with. I don’t share this information with all my friends and family as I know some would agree completely and others would disagree completely. Well a friend of ours insisted that we get the Rick Simpson Oil( it is really concentrated marijuana into an oil) I can be consumed by eating, or smoking and there are many ways you can get it. In our State is is not legal yet medically although it seems to be heading that way. We were never able to get the oil as its is not readily available. We spoke to his doctor about this and they stated I can’t tell you to smoke it but I sure will not tell you not to. If anything it will help your appetite and will be a good distraction from what your body is doing to you.

Our daughter was 20 at the time and her getting her Dad something to smoke was not difficult at all.My husband was a recovering drug addict. Staying clean was one of his biggest priorities and getting him to take pain medicine was just about impossible. I was working part time random shifts outside of our youngest daughter’s dialysis treatments and both of their many appointments. One day while I was working an evening shift my husband and daughter decided to smoke. They went to the back room of the house so the other two kids would not notice and they smoked a little joint( by the way it helped a lot but of course it did not cure him). Out of nowhere his mother showed up(we used to call her PopTart as she always just popped up-that was her way of seeing if our house was dirty or a way to catch us being grown ups)-perhaps if she would have been so concerned when her children were growing up they would not have all had drug and jail problems- but that is for another story) So now she comes  in my daughter says hi and goes to her room as to try to diffuse the uncomfortableness of her grandmother showing up when she is smoking with her Dad. She did not say anything to either of them. She visited for her usual hour and was gone.

The next morning I am in dialysis with my daughter. She calls me. She starts flipping out on me for 45 minutes, how dare my daughter smoke illegal weed with her son when he is sick. I said hold up, he asked for it. He is 48 years old and you really don’t understand the doctor said its ok and it will probably help him. She proceeded to tell me how terrible my daughter is and how she will never forgive her for giving him drugs. I told her that she is being crazy, that stop yelling at me I was not even there and my daughter is 20 years old, stays home all day taking care of her siblings and your son( who would fall down regularly, need constant medication, would need assistance to bathroom and she actually had to bath him as he would not let me do it) My daughter did everything for her Dad like a nurse would do and everything like a daughter would do. Her Dad thought she was the greatest in the world. So after 45 minutes I finally tell her whatever I don’t really care what you think my daughter is a good girl and she is doing that to help her Dad not hurt him. I told her that she should not be so judgemental when her children are no bargain.  She said she was not mad at me only that girl. I got annoyed and hung up. Of course I went to the bathroom and cried and I was so angry.

I did not want to tell my husband as I knew doctors only gave him days to months to live and I did not want him upset with anyone. After 3 days of stewing about it, I could not help but to tell him. He was so angry. He called her and told her that is terrible and that he would choose me and his kids over her anyday and that if she wanted to be part of our lives she needed to apologize. She did not and 3 months passed where we did not speak to her and she did not speak to us. Then the steroid debacle happened and he kind of went crazy. I have written about it on another post if you want more details. Well one day he said I am going to call that crazy lady and tell her every bad thing she ever did. I tried with anything to stop him. He flipped on her and well again I was the bad guy(mind you who did nothing either time). Now the months are passing. His chemo ended his radiation ended and he was on a very manageable dose of steroids. He was no longer acting crazy he was just sad. I thought I can’t let him leave this world without the love of his mother. No matter what an awful person I think she is some part of him really loves her anyway.

I decided to call her, I apologized for things I did not do and kissed her ass so she would go see her son. She made a big deal that she did not want to come to our home and that I should drop him off at her house. I told her I will not do that, he can barely see, he can barely walk with assistance and he can’t get to the bathroom on his own. That he has accidents and its best he is comfortable you should go to the house and visit him. She waited three weeks and finally showed up. She was rude to me and my daughter but she was super nice to him. I was glad she was nice to him as he felt better when she left. He told me see she is not mad at you. I did not tell him what she said outside and the rudeness she showed towards all three of the kids. She decided they were all bad I guess.

Once he passed away our relationship with his mother ended. She did not come to his memorial she did not help in anyway with his final expense and she did not offer to do any of this. She simply was rude to her other son and said I don’t know why she is doing the memorial at your home she is this and that. I did not do it at my home for my kids, for myself. His family has many thieves, many people who will not care that is my kids home and try to take things that were his. I can’t guarantee that is how it would happen but my instincts told me this was not a great idea and his brother was more than understanding. I paid for everything, I took the burden of telling all friends and family and of course I had to deal with my own emotions as well as my childrens.

Now it is almost two years later. I have my feelings about her. My family does not understand how deep rooted these emotions are. My Dad says I should not even think about her. Sadly I can’t help it. She was wrong the whole time and all of her kids did hard drugs. Two of them still do hard drugs but she said terrible things about my baby who did everything for her son. She gave up her late teens to care for him when a lot of kids her age would have said hire a nurse. She never took that into consideration she just bad mouthed us.

Yesterday my youngest daughter is talking to her cousin and we invited them over. He is 14 years old and they are living in her house. They have come across their own hardships and they basically had a choice live with her or be homeless. They chose her. So when my nephew walks in the house he is wearing a tank top with Pot Leaves all over it. I said Um nice shirt. He said Grandma got it for me. I said does she know its weed. He said yes she knows. So I said to his parents um nice shirt, they said yeah my mother got it she liked it for him. So now my 20 year old who is now almost 23 and had the worst feelings behind all that was the worst devil ever but she buys this shirt for a young teen who was born addicted to heroin but she pretends like we are terrible people when we don’t drink or smoke or do anything. It was a time he was sick and we were trying to help him. I changed the subject and tried to enjoy their company but I was hurt by seeing this.

When they went home I tried to forget but it was bothering me all night. I have so much more important things to worry and concern myself with that I won’t let this consume me, but I know for sure forgiving her ever again is not in the cards. I think if my husband could know this he would be crushed that she said all those awful things about us and now she is promoting it. I will add that she is a Jehovah’s Witness and is always judging someone for not being like her. I almost want to call her and tell her hey they are fighting for medical marijuana I hope you go out and vote as I know their religion does not allow them to vote, they can collect from the government but they won’t contribute. I guess that is for another story as well. I will do my best to let this thought leave me this morning and I will remember that she kept telling me I know I will see my son whole and well again. Jehovah tells me this, so if she is right(which my religion does not tell me this) she is not going to be to happy because if he is whole and well he already knows how crappy this all turned out.

My Dog is a Bread thief….

The picture is puppy Larry. He was about 3-4 months old there. He was still a baby and a very quick growing baby. The kids had total control of raising him and he is sweet and playful. He just does not know how big he has actually gotten. He is about 2-1/2 years old now. He is an Emotional Support Dog and that basically makes him a service dog as he provides the service of supporting us emotionally. Not much different than any other dog except he must know how to sit on command and know his name and lay down and things most dogs can easily be trained to do. He must also have a good disposition. He must also have some documentation proving that he has been seen by the vet, has shots and documentation from a mental health professional stating that you or your family member needs this dog to have a better quality of life. This is true for my children and myself as our lives have had some majors events that could stress out the strongest of people.

My daugher has many health issues you can read about in my other posts if you like. She is interesting and inspiring. My late husband got Larry for us. He had brain cancer and in the beginning of him having that disease he started doing things and saying things that either were not true, happened a long time ago or perhaps a bunch of different events mixed together. The kids and I learned quickly to not pay to much attention trying to correct the stories or make them closer to the truth.

One day we go to Pet store . My husband and my son and youngest daughter were to run inside and get some crickets for our Bearded Dragon and look and see if they have any cute hermit crabs as we already had the habitat. Me and my oldest daughter stayed in the car. We were chatting when he came out and he came out with other people who had puppies. He showed us the puppy and said he is cute, I named him Larry and we get him in so many weeks. I pat the dog on the head settled the family back in and went home. We get home and he never mentions the puppy that night. Not the next night and then all the sudden he remembered and he is like I have the phone number we need to call Jessica Wednesday  night or whatever was the date. Me and my oldest look at each other and we are like who is Jessica and then my son comes and tells us it’s the girl with the dog. Sure enough he took whatever money he had and paid for that dog. So now we can’t not get the dog, we know he is fighting terminal brain cancer and the kids already want the dog so, you know we got the dog and we had to call him Larry. That was a must he told the girls to please start calling him Larry so when he comes home with us he will already know his name.

Well now that you know how we got Larry I am sure you can understand that training went just as well as getting him, confusing and not consistent. He learned to go outside easily and he learned how to be part of our family very quickly. One day I go grocery shopping. I bought some hot dog buns. Next thing I know there is Larry running around  with the hot dog buns in the back yard. I get them from him but the obsession started. 2 and 1/2 years later, and so many loaves of bread it is not possible to leave bread anywhere he can get to it. He will get it and eat it so fast you can’t get it from him. I can leave any other food out and he won’t even mess with it. I can cook and he will investigate but not misbehave. We can eat a meal sitting on the couch and he will not bother but boy don’t leave the bread out… Last night I left the bread out …. Some people(and people meaning me) never learn….

 

The Doobie Brothers/Journey Concert

Last night my sister took me and my daughter(her first real concert) to see the Doobie Brothers and Journey. I will have to say this was one of the best concerts I have attended. In my younger years, I went to so many concerts, rock festivals and all that. Now that I am older I don’t have the opportunity to go as much and finances rarely allow.

My daughter is medically complicated. Last Saturday she went to the emergency room and wound up in the hospital for a week. On Wednesday she asked her doctor will I be home by Friday he said well I would like to keep you on the correct IV meds until Saturday. So I asked him Doc, any chance she can have a few hour furlough on Friday night we have tickets to a rock concert. He said No No No, I will get you out by Noon on Friday so you can go home and do your hair and makeup. It totally made our day.

I was concerned that she would not be feeling up to it. Life has a funny way of turning around. We fight her health issues on a daily basis and just when we think we won’t be able to go somewhere , it turns around and we get to have a great time. I guess with the downs must come the ups and I am truly thankful for that.

The show started with The Doobie Brothers. It was brutally hot out and we were afraid it was going to be horrible but five minutes in came the breeze and from then on out it got better and better. The Amphitheater was packed and the crowd was mixed with young and older crowd so we all fit in. I will admit I thought I knew more songs from the Doobie Brothers than I did but each one sounded amazing even the ones I never heard before.

When Journey took the stage the crowd went insane. The look on my daughters’s face was priceless. She jumped out of her seat right along with all the more seasoned concert goers and the show just got better and better.

The lead singer that has replaced Steve Perry, I forget his name he was amazing. If you shut your eyes you would not have a clue it was not Steve Perry. They all put on a great show, filled with great music and energy.

Pretty amazing to go from eating breakfast in the hospital to rocking out in the Amp!