Everyone needs a place to call home

Although a small group of people overall are actually homeless, many are without a place to call home.

Feeling homeless and being homeless can be the same or it can be quite different.

Everyone , every person, every being ,whether they admit it or not, needs to feel there is a place that is home, that is safe, that is peaceful.

For some this so called home in a garden, or a park or in their physical house. Some find it in a religious or spiritual place or worship. Some find it in a bar and some find it on a website.

Over the past year , I personally have been working with my sister, building a website a place to share and place to learn and a place to find comfort. This website  https://whitebearsworld.com  is still in progress but it main focus is for children and their families that have a rare or chronic disease, to share their stories and learn from one another. A place to share ups and downs and a place to offer new found information(medical)

Also in this past year I have spent a good part of the year in the hospital with my daughter, who has VACTERL Syndrome. Over their year I found it impossible to work and properly care for her, my son and myself. We would physically be homeless if not for the kindness of my family , we are staying at my Dads house while we figure out of next move.

Life is crazy and hectic sometimes and recently I have realized how important being home is.

Having that safe zone. Knowing people care if I am ok.

I wish that for everyone, although running into a very old friend whom was holding a sign looking for help getting food. He is not only emotionally homeless but physically homeless as well.

It broke my heart to see and I felt even worse that I have no way to help.

Please always send kind wishes to others as many many are physically or emotionally homeless.

Hoping as https://whitebearsworld.com, unfolds it will offer some comfort for others fighting rare and chronic disease to feel like they have someone, even a stranger who cares to know they are ok

Crockpot Steak

I have made a ton of things in my Crockpot over the years. I have never really tried making steak in it though. As I have stated in an earlier post I am in the middle of moving and I am trying to use up all my groceries prior to my move to make life a little easier. Also with moving cooking in my crockpot allows me to take care of other things while still making a decent dinner.

The ingredients I used were simple, easy and tasty!

Sirloin Steak

Black Pepper

Paprika

Adobo

Garlic Powder

1 can of Rotel Tomatoes with Chile Peppers(medium heat)

I turned the crockpot on at noon, I went to work came home at 6 and was the tenderest steak I ever made.

My kids are not big fans of Rice A Roni, but I like it and well I need to finish up the groceries so I make the Beef Flavor to go with the Steak, It was truly delicious and I would surely make again.

I am sure that you could use whatever cut of steak you like but I used what I had, I had originally bought it to make fajitas. But I guess I never got around to that.

Sometimes I forget that I actually enjoy cooking, Now I need to start taking good pictures of these recipes.

When my husband was alive , he used to call  me Master Mix as no matter how little food we had I always found a way to throw it together and come up with a meal. That was a very long time ago and have gotten into the routine of  the What do you want for dinner game? which I actually don’t like at all. I ask my Daughter, I ask my son they will usually disagree on whatever the other on says and I will get mad and make a pot of pasta, he loves meat sauce, she hates the consistency and only wants pasta with meatballs. Kids they are always going to keep it interesting.

Happy Crockpotting!

Spicy Crockpot Chicken

I wish I would have taken a picture of this as it came out unexpectedly delicious. I am in the process of moving so I don’t want to do any grocery shopping as that would just make more work. That being said, time to use what I actually had in the house.

Here are the ingredients I used:

Boneless Skinless Chicken Breasts

Sliced Green, Red and Orange Bell Peppers

Chopped Onion

Chile Powder

3 Peppercino’s

1/2 cup of the Juice from the Peppercino’s

Garlic Powder

Black Pepper

I had no idea how long I was going to be out for but I put it on High for about 5 hours, When I came back home my house smelled so good.

I make a pot of Yellow Rice to go along with it and it was really good.

I have never cooked with Hot Peppers, I usually just eat them in Salads, when I realized there was not much to work with I figured how bad can it be. My son who prefers Red Meat over Chicken even said Mom talk was great make it again soon.

He is a chronic complainer when it comes to food and I was quite surprised by his reaction so I thought I would share as Crockpot Cooking is my favorite way to go. It is so easy to just throw everything in and keep going.

Since it came out so good the next night I worked with Steak so I will share that next!

Happy Crockpotting 🙂

A wish for today…

 

My wish for today is that everyone take one second to be thankful to that Mom, Dad, Grandparent, Aunt , Uncle, Teacher, or whomever taught them to cope with things. To learn to accept life on life’s terms to be good to one another. In the end of life the only that will be said at a funeral (what your legacy is) is the kind of person you are. No one is saying wow they had an awesome stove and what a lovely yard they had. Do you know how many great jobs they had. What will be said was how you treated others , how you impacted others and the type of way of living you lived. So make your legacy one to proud of.

In my 25 years as an adult, I have learned so much. I used to think working all day and being able to buy things was the most important. Then I started having kids and I learned loving and caring for them and teaching them is most important. Then my youngest was born with VATER(VACTERL) Syndrome and I learned even more about life. I learned how to be a caregiver, and advocate for her health and so so much more. I have an honorary nursing degree as I fondly call it. I could go on and on about our experiences and sometimes I do but today I am just thankful to have learned the importance of simply being there. The importance of listening and the importance of hearing what you are listening to. The other day my daughter was having a rough time, she is noticing that all of her peers are so much taller than her. She is realizing that the medicines she must take make her face puffy and there is not much she could do about that and it is giving her some self doubt. I believe that is pretty typical type emotions for one turning the big 13 in 2 weeks.

She was telling me her concerns and I tried to respond with a joke. I thought perhaps it would lighten her mood and distract what was bothering her. Joking and laughing is one of my coping mechanisms. I would rather laugh than cry although sometimes inside I am crying while others see me laughing. It works not always but a good part of the time anyway. This time it did not work, she said Mom you are a clown always laughing but I don’t find this funny, I am feeling like and she explained herself. I immediately told her she can tell me anything and I will hear her out and try to find a way to make her feel better and if I can’t than well I can’t but at least she can get it off her chest. I let her rant for a good ten minutes and then I told her that somethings in life we have control over and others we do not. The things we can control we should and sadly sometimes we must accept the things we can’t and if there is a way to make those things a little better, we should at least try. This seemed to help on this particular conversation. I was proud of myself for knowing I had to turn off my coping mechanism and hear out hers. Had someone along the line not teach this to me maybe our lives would be even more of a mess than they already are. That night she hugged me tight before bed and said she is kind of glad she is small so she can still snuggle with me.

If that is my only legacy in life was that I loved and was loved, truly that will be sufficient!

 

General Hospital

I have been watching General Hospital since I was a small child. Perhaps my entire life through, my mother and sisters. Over the years us girls watched Days of our Lives and General Hospital. I am the only one who still watches. I tried forcing it on my kids over the kids. My oldest watched until a few years ago. My son stopped the second he realized what I was forcing him to watch. My youngest watches with me faithfully. I know I can only count on that for so long so I will continue to cherish it.

For the past few years the story lines have been very predictable, repetitive and at times downright annoying. Somehow, my morbid curiosity forces me to watch each day and at times look forward to it.

The past few weeks, the show is on fire! It is finally interesting, finally semi-unpredictable and truly entertaining. I am glad I spent 40 years paying attention as now they have brought back old storylines and infused into current storylines and they actually halfway make sense, and they have been able to pull old footage and ad into make the stories more believable.

I am impressed and a little sad that it is Friday and only one more episode for the week.

The good thing is there is plenty of tv to keep me watching. Gotta love NetFlix.

And here’s to the future….

After almost 15 years I saw a Physiatrist, I used to see one a long time ago. At the time I suffered from not only depression and anxiety but self worthlessness. That was a long time ago. I have learned a lot about life and a lot about myself in these years. I no longer see myself as worthless, I actually think I am a pretty cool person. I am kind, well mannered(for the most part) and I can hold up my end of most conversations and when I can’t I stay quiet, crack a joke or admit I have no idea what you are all talking about so I am just going to sit back and listen.

I think all that that makes for a little clue as to how I might think, but it does not. It would be improbable to think that someone would be able to delve into my brain and get what is going on in there. It can be a scary place sometimes, mostly just mixed up, hyped up type thought but then there is some dark and depressing,sad and confusing stuff in there also.

Most people think I just go about my days but there are a handful of people who really know me. They know that I fight depression and anxiety and although I give it a good fight now and again it gets the best of me. In the past few years I have learned that no matter how I am feeling, put to the test, I will react and take care of whatever I need to do. If we have appointments, I get to them. If we have bills I figure out a way to pay them, if we have food I cook it, if we don’t I figure out how to get it and so on. So I do fight it, so what does that really mean, nothing on the big swing of things I still need help. I still have days where it is a complete blur and I have no clue how the things got accomplished and sometimes I wonder what exactly I said to all the people I encountered.

Well as it seems, the doctor did not admit me to an institution so that is a good sign. He also did not deny that I have had these issues a long time and even though I fight it on my own, I don’t need to , he is there and he will help to the best of his ability. I need to understand that just because you take a pill it does not lessen the fact that your kid needs to endure one more huge surgery before the summer is out and she really does not want to do it. It does not change the fact that I need to work, yet how can I work. I need to take care of business yet it is stressful not having a clue how. I need to understand just because a take a pill it is not magic it will not take away real life, however it will help, it will make me more evened out and less I can accomplish the world today and tomorrow and then I can’t get off the couch for three days. It may not make it perfect but it will help me to help myself. I believe that is a really good starting point.

I also learned that me talking to people about my issues and what is going on in my mind is a good thing and that seeing a counselor will help me work out some of the emotions I have and if anything give me a good sounding board. I need that.

I have so many stories I would like to share. So many things I would like to talk about , but then people would know, then people judge, then people would look at me and have something say about things that are past tense and even if you would have done differently, I am not supernatural and I can’t go back and change events, it is simply not an option. Although that would be kind of cool. I watch  a lot of Supernatural and Charmed and the different powers are all kind of awesome, but I know better….

So I will try out some new medication, hope it works, hope I don’t break out in hives like the others in the past, and hope to be able to see my future in the bright way I would truly like to see it…

How does this work? If I want to write a novel?

I have been thinking of all the experiences of my life. The experiences that I have lived, the experiences that I read about, the experiences that others have shared with me. This all lives inside my brain. In the place I know there is like a whole series of novels in there , but how. How do you separate the real from the fiction and not crossover lines of deceit? How do you write an entertaining novel, a story someone enjoys reading based on things you know without sharing parts of your story that intertwine with other people’s stories.

I feel like it would be a lot more fun to tell the tales I would love to share, embellished to hide any real identities and enough to add some of the fun stuff that intrigues you to continue reading a story.

I have not always been an avid reader, as a matter of fact I suck in that department all together. I read a lot as a teenager, required stuff and stuff friends offered that they liked. I preferred to read a magazine or talk or something else. It was only in the recent years that I found out how much I enjoy writing. I was a class clown. I went to school to hang out and once 10th grade hit, at the request of the guidance counselor , I joined the CO-OP Program. You go to school one week, and work one week for the entire school year. You get paid not as much as if you just worked there but it was a paycheck, and you got skills experience. We believed that mattered at that time, only 25 -30 years ago.

In addition I had been working at the gas station after school and on the weekends, also back then it was full serve, you actually made min wage and tips, I racked up being a young teenage girl working in a gas station in the cold, in the rain, whatever and I milked it, really milked it. On school weeks I took, how to balance a checkbook, math. I took reading and study hall and aerobics and lunch or whatever I was forced to take. Science and History,although history probably had my attention the best. Never knew it then but looking back at my life I was ADHD as best as you can be. And in addition I do not hear correctly, but I hear perfectly so not really something someone would notice, other than me, I always knew something was wrong with me. I have never been properly diagnosed and have always been self medicating.

I have a lot of stories all tangled up and I would love to explore writing a novel, so if anyone can offer some pros to doing that please please comment and tell me, encourage me.